durfsmurf

india 2 weeks and going

2010-03-12T02:10:00.000-08:00

Someone posted a comment on my facebook yesterday. They made mention of me being a seasoned traveler, or something like that. But today i don't feel like that. I feel like i was just hit with a ton of reality check. Like...'you think you knew what was up, this this is really what is going on.' yeah....one of those.

all is not strange and confusing. actually there have been so many beautiful souls come into our lives on this starting journey. it's been 2 weeks of travel and already am just regrouping. was good at first, but now am finding the whole aproach 'seasoned' but not 'ripe' more like so seasoned your now sour and bitter and should just plant a new crop.

someone made the comment that i was in travel mode, not meditation mode and that i could do well in meditation mode. and i was like...'i meditate! everyday! so get off my ego!" so yeah... meditation mode would be super nice. let the travel be a meditation not a destination to destination.

light love blessings and peace from pune, india

2010-02-10T09:11:00.000-08:00

what a blessing!

what a blessing love is!

what a blessing romantic love is!

so beautiful!

just finished reading all these stories of couples who met at an airport.

it was so sweet. and though i don't want to meet my husband that way, it's so nice to see how divine forces work to bring people from 2 worlds together.

amen to amore!

sleep is good

2010-01-31T19:15:00.001-08:00

so wow! can i or should i maybe erase the last blog?

has that much really shifted? ummm...

well... i know there is a gift i can learn from this...patience, unconditional love, loving kindness and non injury.

it's more like my mind and emotions just keep getting so anoiyed by this persons attitude and expressive personality.

and i know she's a lovely soul. with a huge heart and tons of sweetness. so why do my judgements and missunderstandings keep coming up.

i've had major shifts in 3 close friendships in the past 3 or 4 months. i'm thinkin it's me? is it possible to regress in love and understanding?

i sure pray i'm not.

we all have our things to learn, and i am asking to understand.

breath breath breath

it's time to fast, meditate and go into my own.

it's so hard when you haven't created your own anything. own space. own time.

love and service are great. but what about own love own service. i feel so selfish, but it really really really really may be just what i need to create and do.

back to me. because when i'm my best, it reflects in my relationships to others.

Honesty. Lets starts with self honesty.

what do i want and need? why?

how can i get what i want and need?

how can i create this right now? or when should i say,"it is done?"

truth be told....i don't know why i'm even going to india! this is a big 3 month trip and i don't see the purpose! not when i know i can just be relaxing and meditating and starting to build my new life right here in america.

i'm asking for some help guidance and support for whatever direction my be best.

what if i all the sudden decide india is not for me at this time. or all i want to do is go and get pk?

this may be the sepparation of yet another close friend. there are too many constant themes here.

will sleep on it.

peace light and love

stress release

2010-01-28T12:06:00.000-08:00

so i know it's my own stuff coming to the surface. but that doesn't make it any easier!

am staying at my friends, who is very direct and in my opinion does not use sweet loving-kindness communication. and we have the dogs/kids right now and though i could just leave the house to avoid them. i do not feel like i need to leave the comfort of the computer and books, just because the dogs are annoying. (did i mention i stepped in a big puddle of pee earlier? Yeah! with my slippers on. which i need to where so all my socks don't get totaly gross. now i can sweet and clean the floors everyday, but the socks, somehow miraculously keep getting gross. i'm talking sticky brown to black and even after to you wash them, the remnants still remain. i guese there is something to say about wearing black socks;)

and yes...i am her guest, so what place to i have to say anything? it doesn't seem apropriate and nice. and in all honesty i'm just in a bit of a mood right now.

so i've just started to cook regularly and i have to say, one of the worst things you can do to me is not appriciate the food. rather...she says, "if had garlic it would be good." not..."yeah this is good and what could make it even better might be to add some garlic." compliment me! encourage me! justify my cooking!

our normal habit is to just go eat out 2 meals a day average $14 a meal. seriously! i created and encouraged this habit because i was only ever here for 3 days and was brought out to eat usually at least once in those three days. and then she gets upset when i keep pointed out the price! well yeahhhhhhhh! my budget is 1/20th(and although this is temporary it's still what i see at this moment) of yours and i have to be aware of this and since we are splitting the bill.... okay on her defense i was mentioning it every meal.

so now i am practicing cooking, but am realizing with the food she eats twice as much as i normally do and somehow is like half my size.

also i haven't been able to get a good workout in days. monday we went to kick boxing and i'm just glad i didn't start crying. seriously.

sorry to whomever reads this. i needed to vent. and other than the dogs continually ruffing at me, am feeling much release.

love love love

okay...really

2009-11-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

Love to keep track of life
ha ha ha
that of course will only ever be a joke
love the moment by moment unknowns
well...sometimes
love these sweet super cute love songs
mood music
smiles light love peace joy and wonder
always in this moment
letting it all go
picking it back up again
just to remember to let it go
ohhh the sweetness of it all
thanks for the thoughts
thanks for whatever
xxxxxx
and so it is
so it was
so it shall ever be
one nowness always!

2009-11-07T20:15:00.001-08:00

i'm not looking for anything. i just want to write and this mind is just going going and going and well if i could/would just slow down...center center.
took nice bath and shower and am ready for some good music and great sleep.

ramblin down this road called life

2009-10-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been a while, but i want to write fast or type fast as the situation stands.
there is so much on my mind, but when i look to see all the things i'm doing, there really is just not much reason. i'm only doing 3 things right now. Wow! it just hit me....looking around my desk here....my papers are all strung out. clothes are still not put away from about 4 days ago and basically there is just a whole lot of non order. The bed it make, though. and very nicely if i do say so myself.
the biggest struggle has been getting back on a regular meditation routine. sure...i'll meditate somehow everyday, but not at a regular time and, well....maybe for just 15 min if i'm going to completely honest.
it just feel good to type and process all this. writting in my journal these days almost seems like a struggle. i just can't seem to get all the words out fast enough.
am very much looking forward to moving, though as i looked around last night, realized i'm not quite set up to just move out quite yet. and that is okay...as long as i don't keep myself here much longer. moments even arise where the thought comes to just stay till after india, but...in all honesty....hmmmmm.....maybe i'll just go to india! noooo...that is not happening, but i hadn't even thought of that as an option before.
am looking forward to the wedding and seeing the bride and holding the ring and doing whatever else i can do. just can't imagine and give her huge props for moving and wedding and everything else.
well....i can see the first task of the morning is to be organize and file all papers and clothes and then see what fun other stuff needs to go where.
i've been asking for a lot of help and guidance from my spiritual guides and angels these days. they do so much and work so hard and i'm trying not to to think that i'm missing somthing; like a clue or a tool or a point to this incarnation.
work with kids. that's all i got. and that is something. and something great at that!
so really once i get the pranic healing dvd promotional done and sent out and the wedding...i could just take off till thanksgiving. but where would i go? i don't even know where am going to stay when visiting fairfield. all always works out and that's really not an issue per se.
okay...organize.
ohhh yeah!!!!! oh gooood! can do something today, other than just organize and clean and dress up and give out halloween candy! find all the information needed to get italian citizenship! sweet!
breath sam, breath....enjoy life.
i am enjoying life, just not this feeling of being lazy and stuff.

2009-07-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

so greatful for flower essenses today.

went off on sister earlier. she's been quiet and non mean for the rest of the day.

woke up in a silent bubble. am greatful for all the healing taking place in my life right now.

am looking forward to this new life transition.

moving on from united. furloughs go through sept 1st.

now to get working with youth and helping them out.

ohhh i have so much to learn. may i learn it with love and grace.

please be easy on my world. i'm soooo sensative these days.

am trying to work out these knots that have been created. they were like my stress mechanism.

and now they are unwinding, this world i've put myself in seems so much meaner.

ohhh that i might be a beam of light and love and not so overly sensative to take it on.

love love love

am looking at prices for moving out and moving on.

get in a healthier environment.

it's good for me to hear all these people make excuses about the pain in there life....

it makes me want to yell "empower yourself! stop playing a victim!" i can only do this now, because i have been them. i say have been, as in past tense, because i don't want to have it continue to be my present reality.

love love love

so i've found the ring i want to get.

no not a wedding ring. those kind of things don't even really run through my mind hardly ever.

anyways... it's really pretty and kind of a deal, because i've never really bought a nice ring before. it's not the diamond pinky ring(which will still get one day soon) it's a surprise and once i get it, i'll share it with the world.

haven't even been journaling all that much lately. i keep speaking the travel bug i had is gone, but everytime i'm "home" for a couple days i want to run and go back to my cave. only i really don't have a cave to run to. so instead i stay up late and wake up late as a way to escape. night time is a different place and world for me i guese.

hmmmmm.......

2009-07-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

been listening to beatles song, oh my love.

am in a warm fuzzy, i want a boyfriend to snuggle up to mode.

maybe when i stop listening to this song this feeling will pass.

it's a great song, just too short in my opinion.

smiles always

contemplating romantic love

such a sweet moment, but never sad once it's passed.

mmmm.......

cleaning house or email as it is

2009-06-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

wow! wow! wow!
after a nap and a couple hours of email clearing and organizing, things seem more clear.
my hotmail email was able to get to empty, gmail to all organized, and yahoo deleted and organized through all emails.
Friend was saying something about organizing and after a second run in with my english bank acount, i decided having so many of everything, in so many places, coming from everywhere was just not a great idea. what do i mean??? and understand am still organizing and cutting back....3 credit union accounts 3 savings 2 checking, 2 bank accounts w/ 3 checking and 2 saving, 2 credit cards, 3 loans from 3 places....paychecks, auto debits, and such and well....i was bound to consolidate at somepoint.
solution??? working on it. i like them all for different reasons. ohh am getting a financial accountability consultant
thats all on the home front
blessings and peace out

something to write about

2009-05-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

so just realized something great about moving....all the random stuff from childhood that had forgotten about. the random stuff no one would think of keeping if you passed away. ohh i won't keep you in suspense any longer. so what was found; about 10 postcards of travels to sacramento taken at age 12. both 7th and 8th grade class pictures and my first or second team basketball pic from when my dad was coach. i was age 8 or 9. ohh also my kindergarden class picture. which randomly does have one girl in it who just invited me as a friend on facebook. she officially is the longest know person i've kept in touch with. good times! really this is great! it's been a bit of a time getting all this moving stuff together.
since have lost my phone also lost all friends birthday info, so am searching these facts out now.
other than that am a bit on the sleepy side and do work tomorow. yeah!!!
love and love and love

uhhhhhhhhhh

2009-04-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

it's time to blog again.
uhhhh....let go let go let go....
uhhhh....this and that this and that
uhhhh.... can you tell i'm in a mood?
aren't you glad you came?
i don't know if i'm coming going or standing still these days...
is it possible to go backwards?
or maybe just topple over.
this whole weight thing...this stupid relative weight thing.
my big pants got back to tight fitting, and got a whole in the knee. they are my only pants here that wear so went to buy an low priced new pair. bought one, without trying on...not a good idea, they were my average size. i just pray in england that means size smaller. actually wouldn't be bad if it was 1 size, but it was 2 sizes too small and the body still hasn't gone number 2 in days.
hee hee hee...number 2. i just called poo number 2.
i need to laugh and cry.
can i do both at the same time?
will these headaches ever just stop! full stop!
please just go away already!!!
i let go let go let go let go.....
peace love joy sweetness

smiles and light

2009-03-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

ode to our amazing world!

am looking forward to national geographic earth day movie speacial.

watching a 10 things you need to know about us(british) because it makes us who we are today. it's a history channel show. it was interesting, and does seem pretty right on to the foundation of the way the brits live today. one thing they didn't mention, which i would think is an obvious foundation, and that is gold. maybe that wouldn't be very british and proper to metion such things, though.

really tried to cry this morning, no tears came, but the emotions were up.

transfer went through. may 1st transfer day.

US phone battery dead and charger left at parents home, and wont be back there for a couple weeks.

lourdes is on for the end of the week.

la la la la la

just needed to write a little. and may go into central town today. haven't meditated to am off for now.

smiles and light

just home

2009-03-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

made it home right before it started pouring rain.

put transfer in for LAS last week and was sure it would be accepted, but not LAS transfers went through. so am still in london till further knowingness.

have decided to clean out my hotmail account. have had it since was like 13 or something.

let you know how it goes.

am thinking about growing hair out. it's at a pretty ok length right now. and the idea of growing it out is kind of exciting.

light love blessings

welcoming abundance

2009-03-04T03:27:00.000-08:00

so haven't written in a while. am back from holiday. an amazing holiday.

have been realizing all the "stinkin thinkin" i've been expressing. and have decided to focus on recongizing and adjusting alot of self talk.

i'm big on being the creator of my own health and reality, and there have been some areas in my life, where negative or contradictatory(may have just made that up) thoughts have been coming up. especially in the way of finances and health energy. so am headed out to clean up some of these programs and unwanted beliefs.

am home in london now. and transfer for LAS becomes effective may 1.

and just a quick testimonial. was have a couple emotional outburst about my budget this weekend. tithed over the usual and the abundant material and financial blessings have already begun to flow in. with so much gratitude my heart can hardly expess.

blessings and light and love

title it

2009-02-05T02:43:00.000-08:00

so yeah....went out to town yesterday. did buy stuff. but am all good about it.

started period today, so really probably was extra emotional an physically bloated yesterday.

today looked down saw "buddha belly" and thought and felt "ahhh, so nice." attitude attitude attitude

2009-02-04T03:31:00.000-08:00

you're all that matters to me....take that song; shine. theme song for the day.

so the sun has been out and smileing for the last few days. don't think went outside once yesterday. and basically putting all my effort, just to get out today. why? am not finding a why. and still haven't put in transfer for las, though did say would wait till end of the month. why wait? again no answer to the why. really do try to just go to the gym to move and stuff and be there to be there, but when i wake in the morning and the belly seems more rolly and pants seem equally tight from weeks ago....sucks. that's all. sucks. i can't even seem to take of my body? don't even want to go out into public and i where a coat that covers everything. and probalby don't even look so different from this summer.

snow is melting. sun is shining. getting out of the house.

also...don't like to leave the house, because every time i do i spend money. could i just not spend money? likely. but then again i seem to only go out of the house when need to. or when going to the gym. don't even want to go to the gym when feeel like a big rolly. don't worry. intelectually know am not. but would go back to bed, but if i sleep too long wake up with a back ache or neck ache. staying up is better. but then, when am up all do is drink water, tea and munch. and really don't have anything to munch on so am eating way lot of cooked lentils rice and onions. writting that kind of made me smile. and ask, so why not just put transfer through already.

2 things. 1 idea of living with parents is no more motivating then being here in london w/ such a tight budget. come on...even with such a tight budget of food and going to the gym the body still looks the same. 2 because if transfer goes through and haven't had enough working trips to bring boxes back am going to have to pay internatanal shipping costs just to get the boxes back in the first place. now could i just leave it all. tech yes, but really the majority are books, which maybe leaving them would not be a half decent idea. let the books go already sam. let them go.

a glacier always looks smaller and more magnificently beautiful from the airplane

2009-01-31T20:23:00.000-08:00

so am getting closer to not feeling paranoid about missing a call. woke up at 345am and decided it best to not go right back to bed, for what if they tried to call and the phones didn't work again.

the whole someone did pickup. some european man, with loud music and a dog in the background, and supposely he banged super hard on my door. sounds like a bad dream to me. talked to the crew lady who made the phone call and she was more just glad that i was okay. she said when that happened she was concerned for me. so we are almost at a closer for the situation, though i did wake up deciding to change servers. human error in calling is one thing, but have multiple wrong person pick up....not okay.

so aside from strangeness and yesterdays freek out, it's still way early, but all is well. it always was, just don't try telling me that when in freek out mode. had family with danny's fam last night and celebrated his sisters bday. it was really really nice. so glad had an attitude checkup by then.

well light love and blessings peace and joy and abundance

dnf= did not fly

2009-01-31T01:17:00.000-08:00

maybe i should look at this DVF in a growth sort of way. or maybe a vedanta sort of way. DNF's in my flight attendant world are basically the worst thing you can get as a flight attendant. and this morning i got one. they gave me the san fran trip, which i knew was going to get. they called at 3:30, but the phone never rang. they try to call a couple times, but still the phone never rang. so samantha woke up at 8:30 thinking they really should be giving me the trip by now, but.... DNF! so instead of composing my emotions, i cried and cried and cried and fought it out to get it oked, but due to the other 2#'s dialed,(which i knew wouldn't work, but they never needed to in the past, because my UK cell phone always rings). well as a growth thing, am now going to go talk to the people who i have service with and see about them writting something for work. how silly... a note for work. i heard myself running up the stairs yelling(in a whisper) "it's not my fault!" even at the moment of saying it, i could fill how much power i gave another over my situation. so i take that comment back. of course there is always something i could have done different, and for a next time experience(so there won't be a next time) am topping up on the emergency UK phone#, talking to the cell phone provider, and maybe getting a skype # that will ring to my phone. Don't if could get the 3rd one to work. but also...maybe i'll be at the top of the list next days available, so the next time will get a really good trip and will be ready for it. and on a bright side, since did freak out and call work right when it happened, already got to talk with my supervisor.

then there's the vedanta approach, it is not good or bad. it's just what happened in that moment. and now, this is what is happening in this moment. do not be attached to this illusionary thought. you get to go to san fran, you get a DNF it's all the same. one without a second.

though i'd like to take on the vedanta approach, there's still the thought to take care that it won't happen again. karma really isn't an issue w/ vedanta philosophy. so if i wasn't going that route, would have to say, this was just some karma i needed to work out. but even writting such a phrase seems so fake.

anyways...bodys still just calming down. am going to go for a walk, and make this an amazing beautiful day! because growth process or vedanta, life is what it is and plays as it plays.

webbuilder

2009-01-30T04:01:00.000-08:00

so just first website page together. and for those who know what a time it was just to get this blog going, the idea of a whole website may seem like a ,"really?" kind of thought. it's true, though, of course with the help of a friend who has put together about a dozen websites. this person prides themselves on their keen idea and simple and clean websites. this person also got a bit confused about me not noticing they had lost 45 pounds. this second point is added because when he finally asked me if i had noticed all the loss of body weight, had to honestly say, "ummm.... really didn't."and then decided to recongnize have never really noticed how other websites look like. am trying to be more attentive now, but it's more am mostly at the point, can tell if i like it or not. am working on the details. the what parts and aspects like and don't. the balance of each page, the ease in getting from page to page. the colors and pics used. it's all quite an interesting new adventure.

blessings and smiles

writting it out......

2009-01-30T02:35:00.000-08:00

it is what it is, but ohhh my goodness!

really? can't imagine am the one person who gets this over and over. but today is especially rough. went to bed with headache, woke up with head pounding 8 hours of sleep later. and body still soooo super tired. fatigue tired, not just the eyes don't want to wake up(which they don't), but the mind and bodies are just soooo out of it. vitamins, herbs, water, coffee, tea, food, going back to rest the body, meditating, exercising, getting fresh air....done it all. not at the same time. then last night, said to self....just go to sleep all natural. no meletonin, no herbs or vitamins.

totally believe in the bodies natural ability to heal itself and natural consciousness of balance for the physiology. and yes also, obviously, believe in helping and supporting that natural tendancy, but when one way doesn't work and things need to happen and just aren't, one trys something else.

this may not make complete sence, just needed to get something done. write something. something that doesn't need to make sence. just write it out.

what would happen if i wrote just the opposite. about my super energized balanced healthy clear mind bodys. could it be created just with the words? so much energy. so much clarity. so much balance and peace. am feeling better and more and more clear at every moment. the light is shining in and my bodys are responding with greater and greater amounts of energy. so bright! so shiney! sooo lovely!

yeah... if we are writting anyways, and whatever it is. it is what it is. lets write of the brightness the light and the joy. lets write out the balance and the peace and the sweetness.

or something like that.

blessings and peace always.

so be it.

pizza and service

2009-01-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

Eating good pizza in london. this really is quite a concept. the pizza over here just isn't the same as america. not even the frozen stuff. but this is dominos, so it is 'american' pizza . housemate left some for me today. really nice. the reason i don't buy pizza or really any other food out is because it's about 20 pounds for a large. 17 for med and small's, which would be the american equivalent to a personal size pizza are average 8 pounds, multipy by 1.5 and that's the amount in dollars. not much motivation to eat pizza over here, needless to say. plus, it is kind of fun having pizza as a treat when i go back to US now.

so have been feeling really grateful to all the people who have set a foundation for themselves and their lifes work. how to explain....well for example, i get this astrology report once a week from this lady in london. so it's not like tarot.com or some other international random 'you will come upon a great surprize this week' kind of reading. you can tell she has a general reading probably per 12 major rising signs. she's been doing it for a while so the emails are quite nice, fancyish, and personal. also...the groccer up the street, don't know how long they've had their shop, but their spices and teas inventory is great; well organized and competively priced. and as far as can see, they are not going anywhere. also, but strangley the original thought was brought about by the feeding program we started in sarasota. went to visit the other day and almost all the original helpers were there. this one lady even came up to me and made the comment about how cool it is that this was started 3 yr's ago and it's still going. she said something like, you left, but it still goes on every week( and they are starting a feeding on sat starting next week! yeah!) though my foundation was stable, there were enough others who already had a foundation in sarasota and were not going anywhere, so they just decided to turn the feeding into part of their sunday life routine. ohhhh sooo grateful. some of the 'homeys', as my friend likes to call them, thought i was a new face. had to smile, because that day, i was.

the big thing, or maybe not so big thing, about seeing the feeding program is that there was a bit of a fear that if got something going it may not last. the business in jax didn't sustain, but the feeding program did. maybe it has more to do with the heart of people then their strong foundation in something or somewhere. but having both people with good will and the willingness, and ability to do good are key things. either way, that created fear is gone. after what is FEAR but false evidence appearing real. heard that one a long time ago and still use it to this day.

light love blessings peace and joy

sunny days

2009-01-18T17:38:00.000-08:00

am quite excited!!! got my scedule for feb...and am pretty sure got basically my #2 pick. love being based in london and having some seniority for bidding. don't know how it will be in vegas. even talked to my sister today about moving back. the conversation went well and totally lightened my attitude on a couple points i was having issues with. it will be good to continue develope our relationship. man...that sounds so offical like. she's my sister and friend.

anyways...about my schedule....basically already have mid too end feb planned, but have off basically/probably from the 9th(or sooner) of the month to the end of feb, plus maybe couple days in march off. no flying means lot less money, but also means travel and seeing friends and taking care of business!!

like this job, but love idea of going some place sunny.

yeah...that's right!

2009-01-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

so totally had the great reality check today," who cares what other people think of your plans. do em. they are your thing. and your doing for your reason. let people think what they will."

the thing is, have been a bit iffy about moving back to US. specifically back to parents pad. this is for multiple reasons, but one was the whole "their thoughts about samantha's plans". ideas of getting pychic attacts and people being like "ohhh that samantha just doing her samantha thing again."

That's Right! is what i have to say to that! who cares what thoughts you might project at me. this is the life i have chosen to live and am excited about it! say you support me or not, what i am doing i feel excited and dare i say it "passionate" about! Just watch me not give into your "another one of samantha's things" thought forms! Watch this be done and be supported by the Universe! That's right! that's right!

Samantha is moving back to US. and is moving into a living arangement that works for her, with her routine. and she'll feed the hungry and go back take computer classes and grant writting classes and work with children. yeah!

child development and stuff

2009-01-15T01:55:00.000-08:00

so realized today that call myself sammy d. was looking in the mirror today and was saying something about myself and called myself sammy d. and realized that's what i call myself. strange, but anyways...
the real topic on mind is children.
and i've come to realize i really haven't given much thought to discipining my children. like, what do i do if they write all over the walls? how can i prevent things like that from happening? children are children and all sorts of unexpected things are going to happen. and then what about when they become teenagers. some may make the argument that "you were a teenager not too long ago yourself". yes, but i wasn't what would maybe be deeemed the average teenager. i meditated, played sports, and watched tv, and went to the movies on the weekend. no party's, never wanted to. no boyfriends, never had a big interest or the selfesteem.
maybe i'll just raise my kids to listen and play with bright music, it totally helped form my thoughts on good character.
so yeah...have been looking at these child development books, non yet what am looking for, but some basically just go into how to raise your child, not speaking so much of a childs natural cycle of growth. they seem to be all about how we form a child to the way we think they should be formed. am still looking for a book that simple tells of the natural cycle of childhood development and us working with that to further develope. because to me, children are so naturally in tune w/ themselves(speaking/thinking from looking at the very young).
ohh how much this chicka has to learn.
am excited about this learning process.
light love and blessings

peace out yo!

2008-12-23T11:24:00.001-08:00

have a bit of a fear that will not be able to really reflect the love that i am.
really don't mean for this to sound strange at all, it's just talking w/ ashley my emotional body gets all frustrated and my reaction toward his thoughts and words are not always the most supportive and understanding. it reminds me of my mom. and then when i talk to my mom on the phone all i can hear 98% of the time is here pain body. and all can think is it's my own issue. but really am just not able to keep my own presence and go to that space of love and light. today is just kind of one of those days. haven't meditated yet and it's already 7:30 at night. the sun never came up today. and it seems almost so strange that the thought of moving back to parents place is a serious thought for me. because everytime i talk to my parents the thought comes up how gratful i am that am not around that much. can already see reflection of their relationship in how i handle my own relationships. and it's not always the nicest and most compasionate. almost like, i don't agree with you so i won't say anything at all, just because i don't want to say something apposing and argumentative. this is not all the relationships, but it has become a sort of theme at times.
anyways am happy for this joyful spirit filled holiday.
light love and peace on earth

ohh nutcracker!!!

2008-12-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

so good. have figured out how to turn off the sanskrit mode. funny how am all inspired to create websites right now. well anyways...was having an issue with ashley doing it, then realized it was a fear and control thing on my part and realized how well putting both our minds together we will be able to create something very quality. and he will still teach me how to do some design stuff.

did a bit of christmas shopping today and its 2 days till the nutcracker!!! have the outfit picked out now and everything. sooooooo excited!

ran into a hare krishna today and that was a nice conversation. she is a nun from lithuania(?) and they are on one of there biggest book drives of the year.

also woolworths is closing its' doors. the whole corporation is to no longer be after 6 days. the store is sooo picked through, but!!! totally found this way fun this book regulary 10pounds now 59p that's like less than a dollar. and it's totally the kind of book was going to check out at the library. a comprehensive guide to a healthy and more active life style. need a little focus on the moving the body thing right now.

light love blessings peace and joy

joan of arcadia show

2008-12-21T06:07:00.000-08:00

so have continued to watch the show Joan of Arcadia on you tube. and read a couple related links to other shows the producer may be affiliated with. one i do remember watching but it went off the air, then back on again on a different night, but by that time it was not of interest to me. the show was only on for 2 seasons but there was a site created just to save the show. they talk about the show as one that represents hope and in a media of sex and violence it reflected as a beacon of light. no wonder i found it so nice and quite on the opposite end of other shows had been into lately.
funny all the interconnectedness of life.
this shows helps keep that in my attention as well as attention on the Divine.
life is amazing!
Thank You Lord!
peace light love and blessings

ohhh and just another note. so the website set up to "save" joan of arcadia from being completely canceled, is now up for sale.

2008-12-16T06:55:00.001-08:00

yeah....no pics these days

अहम् ब्रम्हास्मी

2008-12-16T06:42:00.000-08:00

okay....
so have been into this show Joan of Arcadia for like a week. and it only had two seasons, and because of the way sam likes to do things....watched like so many episodes on you tube yesterday, then today was like...there was only 2 seasons....lets just go to the end. and now have watched the end am like...that wasn't an end.
you know those movies you watch and at the end your kind of like "what?! are you kidding?" so that's kind of what i got out of this show. probably hit a little too close to home for home to me anyway. you see the whole time joan is doing all these things God asks her to do and there always some great connective thing to some seemingly odd task. the whole time she keeps asking why. and why me. and what's the point. and there always a bunch of references explainations with physics. fun stuff. but at the end...there was no end. which is the thing. the life thing. the keeps going and going and this whole idea of time and everything actually being right here and right now with all possiblities, yet for some reason or not reason we are just not "tapping" into this. but if it all just is. there is actually nothing to tap into because we are already tapping, at every point and in every gap. all is. and all is not just in the gap. because all is, once broken down, so to speak, the gap. ever infinite...omni everything. omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient(sp).
so it goes back to the whole even when it's done, which it's never done...and how can something be done if there is no real time, just this space we create that alows a begining and end.
soooooo...enjoy it

ॐ मणि पद्म हम

2008-12-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

so set it to basic html because otherwise somehow set it up to translate into hindi. which was great for that moment, but now can't seem to take it off. am cooking mung beans and the body slept for about 12 hr. the only reason woke up was has to go to bathroom.
almost think with this whole body needing so much sleep just to rebalance would be more motivated to get other projects off the ground. it's okay. am not going to be hard on self. will still meditate and get things done today. will go to bed early and be up early and do whole routine early.
wow...just realized haven't even showered yet.

india was so amazing and maybe because was ready for it, has so much more clarity. soo nice. now it's about putting things into action.
just drank some hot choc, was really good temp, but now the after taste is just not great. am looking forward for the lentils to get done. rice and veg are ready.

did clean and get things organized a bit this morning. woke up and good feel the clutter. a true reflection of my mind this morning. was glad could focus enough to just do it.

joyce meyers rocks

2008-11-12T01:40:00.000-08:00

oh!!!!!!!so was watching a little joyce meyer on the tele earlier today, and that lady rocks!

anyways... she said something that totally hit home for me. she was talking about prayin' and stuff like that and said something along the lines of, "some people have "no life in it, because they made it a law"". so what does that mean to this chicka.... i meditate meditate meditate meditate everyday.not expecting any experience or anything, but still sometimes do it just for the "law" or routine of it. not taking a moment before starting to really be present and recognize what am doing. and yes...of course on the subtle levels all sorts of "life", amazing jazz, is probably happening. but the thought came that i'm probably doing it because it's "the law". this made up, created thing that just isn't the point. it's the tool used. the "life" IS. It Is This,That,Everything. i just use the tool because it great.

she also went onto the difference between receiving and getting and how we get the two confused. then she went to the definition of both, which found interesting.

receive: transitive verb1: to come into possession of 2 a: to act as a receptacle or container for b: to assimilate through the mind or senses3 a: to permit to enter : admit b: welcome , greet c: to react to in a specified manner4: to accept as authoritative, true, or accurate : believe5 a: to support the weight or pressure of : bear b: to take (a mark or impression) from the weight of something c: acquire , experience d: to suffer the hurt or injury

get:which can be used as a verb or a noun. transitive verb1 a: to gain possession of b: to receive as a return : earn2 a: to obtain by concession or entreaty b: to become affected by : catch 3 a: to seek out and obtain b: to obtain and bring where wanted or needed 4: beget5 a: to cause to come or go b: to cause to move c: to cause to be in a certain position or condition d: to make ready : prepare 6 a: to be subjected to b: to receive by way of punishment c: to suffer a specified injury to 7 a: to achieve as a result of military activity b: to obtain or receive by way of benefit or advantage 8 a: seize b: overcome c: to have an emotional effect d: irritate e: puzzle f: to take vengeance on ; specifically : kill g: hit9: to prevail on : cause 10 a: have —used in the present perfect tense form with present meaning b: to have as an obligation or necessity —used in the present perfect tense form with present meaning 11 a: to find out by calculation b: memorize c: hear d: understand12: to establish communication with13: to put out in baseball14: deliver 6b

so obviously there's a lot of defining things to these words, which again are just words, which am not going to get into right now. and honestly sometimes people who study the bible put too much emphasis on words which in their original translation or definition may have been different. but it caught my attention and thought to investigate more. now what did joyce have to say about it? don't know the program ended, but these talks these days are about relationships; with God, Partner, self, and world.

light love and blessings

nap time

2008-11-07T05:25:00.000-08:00

ohhhh beautiful DC yesterday. haven't gone to bed yet. been up for almost 24 hr. going to take bath and nap and meet up with flight attendant in china town. still love jasan mraz, prettiest friend, and god moves through you....sooo nice.

like love and blessings.nap time mal luber artist

go obama, though it hasn't nothing to do with what i just wrote.

2008-11-04T11:21:00.000-08:00

Ohhh!!! just found this pic and was totally there. it's in illinois, about 4hr or so drive from fairfield, ia.

So just kind of realized, don't really ever mention other men to my guy friends. and more so, never have. it's always been one of those things. in fact my girlfriends are lucky to here anything of interest about men interests in my life. that way i keep all men at a neutral. yeah right. what was that even supposed to mean.

am still planning on learning french. too bad my italian france man doesn't seem to be working out and my french london man still has a girlfriend.

ohh but just got done talking and emailing two of my favorite guy friends and now realize...realize absolutley nothing.

am headed to dc tomorow. won't it be ironic if my absontee balot finaly arived today. ironic may not be the choice word, but am sticking with it.

email the one friend about india, more stuff came together, and just how amazing the short trip to italy was. ohhh italy....dear beautiful italy! did find out, though, that most restaurants and food places put lard or some pig byproduct in all your food, and your lucky if you find a place that doesn't. i'm talking the pizza dough, breads, but not so much the pasta.

so that's sam's quick note.

sending lots and lots of love and blessings to the universe. Go Obama!!!

party party

2008-11-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

helloooooo there!

hope life is going amazing!!! so funny am writing this like the start of an email.

don't know if i wrote anything about italy....met a lovely italian man who lives in paris. reconected with him via email. but no here back. so am letting that one go. again and again and again. ohhh...but he is ohhh so very lovely and sooooooo "my" type. mmmmm

well life keeps rockin and rollin and life is oh so very very beautiful these days. it even snowed on divali(spelling). oh that night fireworks, the nice illegal ones, for over 6 hours non stop. these folks know how to party party.

amen to ma

2008-10-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

ahhh Ma and your Divinity! lead me guide me and direct me into Your Love Light and Will. Amen

jyotish reading and nvc

2008-10-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

had a jyotish reading while in india. it was quite fun actually. he was quite, what i would call, traditional in his thinking. he told me to drink my water and milk out of a pure silver cup and throw an empty pot with a lid into a river, he also gave recomendations for pujas for the different planets. and though it may be thought, he tells that to everyone, it's not so true. the lady ahead of me was told to feed the monkeys and my traveling friend was told to feed the cows and elephants.

now where am i going with this? no where in particular, it was just on the mind. love love love

am to be headed to work in about 2 hours and have taken a shower, but haven't even started to pack or get ready to meditate. it's been about 2 or 3 days now since got home and started to feel more "normalized", or something. i remember back in college when the students came back from india, some of them made comments that they only wanted to hang out with people who had been on the trip and they were having to adjust to being back. and though i think there may have been a bit of that for me when coming back from new zealand, the feeling is so much stronger now. and the difference is, there is no one to talk to who i went with.

but ode to non violent communication! am so excited about learning in this new way!

back from india

2008-10-18T00:15:00.001-07:00

Ahhh....just got back last night. and it was so funny waking up this morning. first of all woke up to a really interesting dinosaur dream. there were planes and hills and people. but when we went back in time...the soil was soooo rich with nutrients. they took on so many incredible colors and all the soil was so moist and fresh. i just kept playing and hugging it. it felt so alive!

so didn't really care to get on "routine" this morning. meditated once, sometimes twice a day on this trip, but no routine. but it wasn't wanted or needed there. not so much that it is "needed" here. it's just...well honestly...it is what it is.

was going to say don't know where to start, but have already started. first thing wanted to do this morning was read my friends blog. had forgotten all addresses except for india contact address. so no postcards were sent and computer contact was at a minimum. learned a lot of how am going to roll next time am in india. upon reading friends blog, just incase she reads this...suzy orman(that's not her last name), but suzy the financial planning lady. her website has all sorts of specific information on what to look at to ensure your bank is secure and your investments in things like money market accounts are secure. also on that note, had only heard from here-say about the market falling hard two times in one week. funny they are still saying gold would be a good investment, well actually i heard this about 3 months ago and just lightly mentioned 2 weeks ago. the US news was able to read in paper was a bit about the election and the more directly india related airline and tourism struggle. they didn't seem too concerned that our economy was falling and how it was to connect with them. well...actually that is not completely fair to state. there was a man on the train was quite aware of the connection between US economy and India economy. though communication at times was a struggle, the conversation was interesting.

now...yeah! went to india! started out south in kerala and ended in haridwar. there were stops inbetween that were absolutely amazing, but am going to have to look at my notes to remember where they all were. upon reflection in the airport, decided next trip in india will put more attention on pressence and being right in the moment, and also to love all like the Divine they are.

did meet up with friend for the journey. she has been down there for a month and a half already. so it was great for me being able to follow her experienced lead, but after a couple days she was like "hey! give me some input! i don't want to be making all the decisions!" and that was the start of the amazing growth in not only our relationship, but the relationship i have with other people and things. realized i was "jen" in the "ashley sam travel relationship", and was reintroduced to nvc(non violent communication) i say reintroduced because my other friend right before left had talked about it. and now...all the more not only want to read the book, but take a course on it. was pretty excited hearing about it from friend in cali, and then solidified when was in the moment needing to express and communicate.

so now am back and making plans for life. but that's not new. getting the india perspective was amazing and still being assimilated.

okay india bless you

2008-10-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

oh dearest dearest!
no pic for this one.
it's been a while.
am in india.
have been for almost 2 weeks.
life is telling me to get going.
or something.
lots of blessings and making room for new fresh cleanness.
many many stories
am working on sorting things out.
breath breath breath
this too shall pass
will share more when home
leave tomorow the 17th back to london.
all works out well and as it should
there is so so so much for me to learn and understand
love all always

trade high

2008-09-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

just have to post this

2 things...one...why doesn't blogger ever remember me? i ask it to time and time again.

second...sold all my stock today. sold it high at least. had a credit card flash. am paying about 30% on credit card interest than making on investments. so now...pay all credit cards off(again). and then start investing in this fantastic mutual fund based on green investing. it's been around for 12 years and scottrade gives it 5 stars all over the place. the other funds get 2 and 3 stars in the catagories. and since have not been paying much attention to my stocks, will let them take care of that for me.

all in all its just some few hundred dollars here and there both in credit cards and in investments. in the long haul...this just makes most sense.

light love and blessings

up and running

2008-09-17T22:13:00.001-07:00

So this totally seems like a good blog moment. Basically have been awake on and somewhat off since about 2:30am. it's now 6am. Layed in bed till 4am, read....back to bed at 5:15 and now back up rockin and rollin.

It's a bit chilly this morning, so was able to put on nice big fuzzy sweater to snuggle up with.

So it was great!!! Yesterday finally, after about a month or so, finally emailed a friend back in UT. and then this morning had an email from someone i had emailed about a month ago. It was a response to a question had. Well actually a friend back in florida had lent me this book, and unpublished version of a now published book. Since could not remember which friend had gifted it(temorarily gifted it) decided to get right in touch with the author. Listen to this....he lives in amsterdam! Why i find that detail so amazing am not sure, but...yeah. Well here is kind of the thing...this friend i think lent me the book in florida, me and my partner have been conspiring(not really, but it sounds more exciting) to hook him up with another friend in amsterdam. get the link. it's a stretch, but still valid at this time in the morning.

ohhh there are so many things.... normally if the mind is super active it has a time falling asleep, but last not was pretty easy. rarely does it wake up super active at 2 in the morning and not want to shut off. is 2-6 vata time? if so that could explain it.

Also can i just say luv luv luv just being here in london. really don't go out and do anything. yesterday left the house only to go for a run in the park. but the routine is so easy to be on. especially since have cut back the computer time to 2 times a time of 30 min. So have been going to bed before 10pm and waking up before 6am. and meditating twice a day, and reading and studying the books i love, and going for a run in the park. Drinking green tea, and chai, and making meals with balanced protein and veggies. Will head out to the market up the street to get some fruit today as well. have been doing this for a good 3 days nows and still may have 2 more before am sent to fly. Though... must say even on days of flying have worked out a routine to allow a good full program and rest and not have jet lag. The secret, shower or salt bath upon ariving to destination, and treating that timezone as the routine time zone. So instead of going to bed closer to 10pm, will get in bed around 7:30pm, and wake up about 5am. It's been working so i'll keep rollin with it.

so sending you all Light Love Peace and Blessings today!!!

Samantha

a month update, or not

2008-09-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

wow! it's almost been a month since last wrote. the realativity of time really flys.

Back to listening to youtube download songs. it's been a while. a little michael buble,lost.

have this whole nice check list for internet work.

just got home from US. took nap and walked to and from town.

secretly want to find something so interesting that distracts. it's a long checklist. haven't been on computer for a while. at least not to do any emailing or researching.

well that's exciting, nothing else to say.

many blessings.

ummmm

2008-08-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

two words jason mraz

yeah..that's right

but really the other thing going through this mind.

so often have this thought, am i really supposed to find a man, get married(or something), and have babes. or...isn't there some other way to be of great service for the world. but then when the reality check comes....it's like, what is personality attracted to? what does it keep going back to? and it's this great boy meets girl love creation. and it's amazing! and almost could be a bit of spiritual pride to think that direction and purpose in life would be any way less amazing than be some mother theresa. this is not to say the thought was to be a mother theresa, it's just saying everything has it's place, time, and purpose, and they are all right and true for them where they are. and it's all so divine and magical. and bless em all.

the only other thing was the idea of destiny vs. free will... and it's not one or the other and to get into it gets to into the relativity of duality in life. or something like that. but the point is... it is what it is.

God bless reason. Thy Will Be Done. It's all Divine Will ohh that I may consciously follow that always. Yes Lord. Thank you Lord!

earth love

2008-08-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

just real quick am loving living in this world right now! Life on earth right now is amazing! Bless that always!! thank you thank you thank you!!

in love with divine mother

2008-08-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

So wow! life is amazing!

Did a healing yesterday, and was sent thank you email back today. He said said something about my eyes, said they are amazing and how they have a kind of sparkle. This is not to note that, rather last nights dream, some guy was all about me and i just couldn't stop thinking how all i wanted to do was look at his clear water blue eyes. Ahhh...eyes!! those amazing soul portals. And yes one of my favorite things to do is look at my eyes and just say, "I love you Sam. Bless you." Maybe the eyes reflect that.

Thank you thank you dearest friend for the b-day cd! Can finally download some Dar and Indigo Girls and others to my ipod. Have spent hours upon hours of downloading songs on youtube and now...this is so much better. great songs to go.

also one of my favorite things to do is look up phrases google images and see what comes up. Today came up to search, in love with divine mother. this is a pic that came up. it's a bit inspired by friend who told about skin to skin connection. enjoy and bless you all!!

Divine Light Love and Blessings!

luva a bloga

2008-08-19T02:24:00.000-07:00

So funny!! Two things. Have been downloading some of roomates music onto itunes. mostly all dance/workout music. plus the throw in of a boy band and sheryl crow. Second thing...was just enjoying looking at all the folders have in my original email account. It's almost like looking back over what have been up to over the last 14 or so years. It's my original account and have been able to maintain it, without getting overloaded with junk mail. Did just sign up for facebook.com and now think that one is short lived. Am thinking people join, just to see someone they've met once or twice, say "i know that person" let them be my new facebook friend. really am not into those things, but do enjoy touching base with long lost acquantances, but 10 new friend invites in one night?! it's a bit much for this chicka, and a bit of a waste of time.

Love this blog, on the other hand, and all these "friends" can check it out, if they really do care to touch base.

Sure there are a handful of people i think it would be fun to touch base with, but not the whole town of fairfield, and not all the pranic healers in america. it's a bit much! So to just stop it now, won't even mind not touching base with others so much. Wow didn't know it had gotten so emotional for me.

Just to end....love emails and actually talking with friends on the phone. Love having a nice intimate group of close friends who are more than just a name and a face on some website.

light love blessings peace and joy!!

and what about your visa!?

2008-08-13T01:53:00.001-07:00

this needs to be posted without emotion. just stateing the fact.

will not be going to india today or tomorrow.

did not realize how the process to get indian visa would work.

since am a us citizen in uk, would have to pay uk prices to get the visa here, also they say it takes up to a week. being a flight attendant and all, and actually needing use of my passport once a week makes it a bit more tricky.

you might think, didn't you know this.

obviously no. the only 2 other visas have ever gotten did not work like this. uk visa, one day in la for about 3 hours. turkey, you buy it there( which is actually how was thinking india would work) $20 cash and boom here's your visa, not 85 pounds and a scheduled apointment.

but it funny, maybe because the body is a bit tired, but really the emotions are not all upset. it's a strange feeling. not upset, not happy, just like, it is what it is.

and the only thing about it is the story of going to india will not be told this time, and all my friends think am going to india. that doesn't matter, though.

will have to see about getting indian visa one day while on a DC layover.

light love blessings peace and joy!

this will only be said once, because have been working on this visa thing all morning...

it's almost a relief to not be going right now. which mentally doesn't make sence to me. but maybe there was that inner knowing the whole time, and was just allowing the play of things to go about.

wow so thought was just going to write a quick jont, but really really...maaaaybeee could have somehow, someway gotten the passport today. maybe if the universe was all aligned and supporting.

but 84 pounds was not in the budget. the whole trip was really tapping into my abundance bank, and we're talking great deals on flights, room, and food! All in due course time. now we shall get the passport and be all ready come india in dec.

the end

land and home record

2008-08-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

land to home in one hour!! fantastic! that has to be some sort of record. from land...to taxi...to deplane...to wait for a wheelchair...to crew bus...to walk to tube...to tube ride...to walk home(and topped up my oyster card)...all in 1 hr.

what else....

there was something else, but loging on to the blog page was distracted by babys. and we'll just leave it at that.

oh!! do remember what was going to say! got home, had no idea what time it was, so may have been talking to myself. or what i like to call processing my thoughts outloud. and turns out my roomate is still home. oh!!! something else funny. wasn't sure what time it is, right? so have already stripped down out of the uniform and start to head downstairs, when the thought comes, danny may still be home, so quickly just threw on a half wrap. and since danny is home, it's a good thing i didn't just start walking around the house naked as usual.

that's all for now.

love and blessings!!

ahh learning and letting go!!!

2008-07-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

So can feel the universe shifting in regards to this flight attendant job.

So amazing day!! Basic Pranic Healing review! Was able to be the volunteer for the general sweeping( cleaning of the aura and health rays). When he got to the basic it felt light a big know was just comb out!! So so so so so so grateful!

So much cleanness!!!

Also have a trip to DC tomorow so should be able to call and get ahold of a couple friends.

the relationship with ashley seems to be fading away ever so easily. we don't talk about travel and trips and haven't any plans. So he sends this email saying email him to let him know when i will be calling on skype. and the thought comes....why call you? what would we talk about?.... this is not meant to sound rude or cold, it is what it is. a natural progression of evolution and change. thank you thank you

This chickas plans are india next month, italy in oct, and back to india in dec

so will be getting a secondary income come sept.

life does support me, as long as i let it.

munch much

2008-07-24T15:34:00.000-07:00

hello hello!!!

so have saturday off and am in UK

this is a first. and have no plans...ohhh!! just remembered a friend is teaching a PH course and said i could help. oh yeah!

prob will go to bed soon.

so funny...the body gets so hungry and munchy after a really powerful meditation.

it feels more like a full moon then the full moon night did.

oh so am munching on popcorn. sort of healthyish. it's not butter pop or kettle. just light salt.

making india plans. not over thinkin it.

munch munch munch

but have been workingout regularly

Flower Power

2008-07-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

Soooo Humm!!!!!

haven't really had to think or "worry" about finances in a while.

then today realized this course want to take over here is, well, in pounds and for the past 3 months have been getting over the credit limit fees on my cc, which has such a low balance anyway, but too high to pay off. the fees are 39 each month, times three, minus my 20 dollar monthly payment and we're looking at a forth month of this. and the silly thing is. didn't even notice it, because they didn't charge me what i was over, still just charged the minimum. ohhh silly sam for not just waiting to buy whatever you bought or just wait to go on that trip, whatever trip it was, whenever it was. because....well....

here's the cool part. flowers essenses came today. well actually days ago, but today was able to pick them up. it was amazing just the walk home kept thanking them and tuning into them and the bodys energy levels went up! got home and the physical body still looked stoned, from lack of regular sleep. took a flower ess bath, and flower water, and can you say Flower Power!!!! So grateful, have actually been productive today. Even went for a run and did laundry.

ohh...and the emotional body totally did not freak out when realized the whole financial situation. and thanks to the way the flower company works, was paying "cash" anyway.

Amazing!!! Oh, and did wait till after had birthday money to actually get the essences.

Light love blessings peace and joy!

gratitude expectation giving- manifest attract receive

2008-07-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

Gratitude-Expectation( not assumption)-Giving

Not assumption, because we all know what happens when one assumes...

Am just playing with the idea of connecting them all. Was listening to The Secret CD and they were saying in order to manifect, attract, get something you need to be gratiful for what you have right now, and what is coming, expect what you want to come, and in my thought... in giving we receive, since they are talking about what to do in order to manifect and get, this must be correlated with the giving end.

smiles for a chick flick

2008-07-01T06:43:00.000-07:00

Just made up for any happy loveyness confusion from the music earlier. Just watched The Holiday. So many smiles.

funny little thing called love

2008-07-01T03:05:00.001-07:00

So just realized my "love song" list on You Tube is all these not really happy love songs.

The name had to change. Now it's "reflective songs".

Just to give an idea of these songs:

Keith Urban-Making Memories of Us

Rascal Flatts-Words I Couldn't Say

Willie Nelson- Always on My Mind( ok for love)

Beauty of the Rain( can't remember her name, but her voice is lovely)

Michael Buble-Home, Lost(the main theme is lovely), Everything(OK this is a lovey love song)

back to giving and receiving

2008-07-01T01:48:00.000-07:00

For it is in giving that we receive works in every aspect of life!

Yeah...so this might be like a duhhh moment, but really it hit me right on the head just now.

Was just reading this article by some pychologist( i thought i would just be taking some friendship test). But she starts by talking about a balanced relationship she has and then the Greek mythology story of Narcissist-Echo. Narcissist who lu lu lu love himself and Echo who repeated everything Narcissist said about himself. Ohh! In the end Narcissist became so obsessed with himself, when "crazy" and put a dagger in his heart. Echo was left haunting some canyons randomly repeating what passerbys had to say. So the storys over and she is relateing this to friendships, when what seemed like out of the blue she says,"I'm haunted by the fact that I never had this conversation with a college buddy who years later committed suicide. Maybe I could have helped by insisting she learn to receive as well as give. " She was referring to an Echo... which is almost neither here nore there, in whichever case... do i think such a sitution is just that simple...not likely, but what really woke me up was..." For it is in Giving that we Receive".

All relationships; money, friendships, partners, clerks at the groccer... are that. A give and receive. Money...always know to tithe...give first, then receive. And it works everytime! Friendships, partners...i guese that's what has gone on, but never really thought to consciously give in the way they know to receive. Only recently have i started to be conscious of receiving in certain areas and from certain relationships. And today it really hits home, a lot of those relationships probably are just learning that too.

Money and elements are basically more simple, they are more naturally in flow with the lawas of nature( this is a belief. and i like it) While humans(not to say they are not made up of elements) don't act as simply. They have thoughts and can make consious decisions. And give and receive in different ways( referring to personality types as well as love languages).

Now here i am just learning receive in all sorts of great aspects of my life, but really need to still constantly, consciously remember to give. And as i give, i will more and more be able to receive and learn about receiving for myself and others.

Something like that.

LOL

Blessings

Joy and Peace!

So be it!

they say it's your birthday(not yet!)

2008-06-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

So yeah...am posting a second thing.

Decided not to sleep, but did take a bath and meditate and watch a cute teeny bopper movie.

Drinkin up a little airborn, emergen-c, meletonin contraption. quite tastey...grapefruit, acai flava

Last load of clothes in dryer and will be in bed within the next 20min.

So many rambled thoughts keep running through this mind as it gets later and later.

Is it worth it? Will let you when get some good restful, but not too long sleep( slept for 17hr the other day! I Know!)

Blessings Abundance and Great Rest to ALL!

SJD

International Flyin Fun......

2008-06-14T04:44:00.000-07:00

Hi All! Body so tired. ohhh me goodness.

hmmmm....just checkin emails listening to utube music.

So we just keep typin.

will take a shower or bath sometime soon here.

then nap, then meditate.

then probably check emails again.

just checked friends blog. was trying to call home number but then checked the blog and it came back...she's up in yosemite. sorry friend.

Love light and blessing in life.

Mr Bogengles playin.

lossin 10% body weight and holding off for one month to win $100. am so going to win. SO BE IT!

later gaters

paris then india

2008-06-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

Am so grateful for friends. So should be getting a trip back to US in the next couple days....United will let me know. The family is headed on a month long road trip over to Washington state and then back through a couple National Parks; Glacier, Yellowstone.

Have the opportunity to meet up with them on my days off, but we'll see. Probably won't do that. Talked to my partner last night, and am just so greatful for lifes learning experiences. It's easy to create great thoughts and oppinions of people when you can be away from them and reflect on all their "good" qualities. It's when you actually are with them to talk to them in the now that things "issues" seem to come up. Let's just say am grateful we are all mirrors and teachers from one another. Am still planning the trip to Paris with him this month, so that will be fine. and my soul just keeps on about india, so am thinking it's time to go. so now the focus really is getting the money to stay there for a month and a half. and to get enough saved withing the next month and a half. and still take a trip to paris. Paris then India. and then.....

what if you were on a deserted island, what would you say?

2008-06-02T16:19:00.000-07:00

To all those who dare read this:

This may not make sence. It has not been reread through, or rewritten. Some statements are vague and not clear or sensible even to the writter. Please be gracious and open to what has been written. No confusion was went to incure during the writting of this lenthy blog. Some may not be able to finish it in one read. The thought did come to divide it up onto a few seperate blogs, but since it really was just one long free write. It flows as the mind flows, and jumps around as the mind jumps around. The writter is learning, growing and changing for the better every day.

Its kind of funny was just going to email this to a friend and decided it would just make a much better blog. Then as i move over to blog the thought of what was going to write about it dissapeared. But now it's back...

So it's kind of funny, have all sorts of organizing thoughts running through my head. Just got back from Pranic Healing(PH) teacher training. Am in only a learning place to be going and teaching right now, but this was the first step to get rolling. It really is quite exciting.

So something maybe didn't mention about last blog was after grandma was in the hospital, i got a bit encouraged and frusterated with myself a bit. The thought came, had i worked PH on her early she may not have ended up in the hospital. But rather than dwelling on spilt milk decided it was an oportunity to work on her now. so talked to her and asked her if she would be open to me doing some work on her. so for the next 3 days, did the appropriate protocol and she was not only feeling better, more energy and out of the hospital, but her blood pressure nomalized. So this only said with the understanding that i'm just and instrument for the whole thing, energy is energy. Then something else happened....last night retouched base w/ someone hadn't talked to in ohhh 6 months only to have her say that the healing done was really incredible and she could really feel the difference. It was kind of like, really? i had no idea. Then all i could think was just how grateful i am that people are so receptive to being healed.

Saying being healed is stated very generally. I could have just as easily said people are receptive to feeling better, getting better, being more balanced. Where am i going with this? Does it really need to go anywhere? Nowhere. and No. All am saying it was like, "Yeah! The world is being healed. on so so many levels and in so so many ways.

So we had a group blessing of the earth this weekend and some of the people saw this light rooting and grounding and spreading all around. and another saw light and angels going down and spreading all this light. They described it as the anchoring the energy. Then the thought came about the Golden Domes there in Fairfield and just how much energy has just been rooted and anchored there through all these years. Wow! to say the least.

Mich waxed my lip hairs, which in all honesty really don't bother me. But felt like should give it another try and not judge it on last experience. Well basically my whole upper lip area broke out with tons of little white head pimples. Did put tea tree on right after the treatment to stop the iching and Mich says that's probalby why it broke out. personally just don't think there's a need to ever wax the uper lip hairs again.

Oh my goodness, i have so much to work on. My spiritual pride has been in overdrive it feels like. and thank you universe for humbling me over and over and over. What brings this up... well this weekend there was a boy who grew up in a very christain home, didn't really meditate, practiced martial arts for years, loves Jesus, and just wants to heal. Then there's me, simple sam, meditated since 7 then everyday basically since 14, always into more and more spiritual study and healthy living. and lets just put it this way, because have been doing all this work and feel like there's some great great purpose for me in this life, the thought that my energy bodys would be quite advanced seems logical. so basically him and i have very close energy body sizes. which might not make sense sense. but there again i'm a vegetarian my whole life, am pretty sure he eats meat his whole life, i've been really into purifying the system. This is not to say he hasn't, but in my ignorance and assumption it was thought my aura( energy body, whatever you want to call it) would be "shinnier". well you know what they say about assuming things??? That's a big one for me to work on. Well two things....assuming and spiritual pride.

So have a bet with one of my friends about who can loose 10% of our body fat first. Well because for me it's more of a shape up and tone up issue, am trying to change to way we measure by inches other than pounds. Send me good thoughts on this one....100 bucks is on the table.

Also just got a great email from someone met in Thailand. He send over some pics for us. We met him at our Thai cooking class. so he had pics of that. But he also had pics from when he ran in a AIDS Marathon in Florence, IT. Then the thought came just how amazing it would be to train and run in a marathon like that; in europe somewhere. The thought to run and train for a marithon has come up many times in my mind, but with the whole bet with Ashley and seeing his beautiful pics and hearing his amazing tale, it just seems like maybe right now is the right time.

So the next thing running through this mind.... Am planning on going to India the middle of Aug through the month of Sept. So basically a month and a half. When was over in Germany, met up with a couple people who have started about 5 orphanigas over there. Teach the kids specific skills to work: nursing, carpentry, computers. As well as other programs. So was invited up to see them, as well as this amazing Ashram on this crystal mountain( there are literally crystals all up in the mountains). So anyone is invited to come see and meet up and am also taking suggestions on where to go visit. know when MUM goes there they go visit all sorts of amazing places and would love to go to some of them. Also to get PK done and go see a Maharishi Auyurvedic Physician over there. Plus just kind of figure it may give me some more ideas on what do to next.

Am still planning on getting the Natural Awakening(NA) magazine started here in the UK. But because of the India trip, realized maybe not quite as quickly as had originally thought. That's good though. After talking with my business and investor friend Stewart in FL it's more clear what all needs to be on my business plan that is pressented to investors. So this will give time to get that all done real nice.

It's funny though, still don't know if am going to stay in London, UK, Europe. Know the idea is nice, but am looking quite logically too. Really...well i guese there is the hope will find some great european man to fall in love with and have him fall in love with me and just be able to stay. but with my track records and standards( which am totally good with keeping)...we'll just see. But we can't just wait and see forever. Though it is funny, the other day i met this man and the thought just popped into my head as we were shaking hands," this is my future husband." anyone who knows me, knows that just doesn't pop into this head. ever. well now can't say never ever. I tried to be in touch with him, but no responce yet. though i do realize, i did not check for a ring, and that is an important detail.

Also want to set up a website for really unifying ph here in the uk. get everyone on the same page and in some form working together. Kind of like the Maharishi Effect with Yogic Flyers, Master Choa( the founder of modern day pranic healing) has a goal of one ph per family. Well the only way i can see any of this working out, is if we all start working together and doing the work together. It's like yeah...one person meditating is great, 100,000 people meditating is greater, and 100,000 people meditating together is the greatest, fastest, and most effective. We have the tools people. How great a teacher to bring this into our world and let us practice it!

So am a little excited about this topic. The other day with my parents we watched the Maharishi speacial that was on History channel. It was so cool. It went through his life and what he was able to envision and create in this life. Incredible. and now we have the ability to apply this knowledge! How super amazing is that!

And how many other great teachers are there spreading the Light, and Love, and Power. Each Soul magnetized and attracted to whatever is best for them. Because we all really are doing the best we can with where we are at! And we don't know what we don't know! and i need to stop judging and saying this is better or this is this and that is that. It is what it is! and i just get to be this ever learning Soul! Thank you thank you thank you! To all My Great Great Teachers! Jai Guru Dev! Atma Namaste! However it is said. Give thanks. Be Humble always. and remember life begets life.

(as she steps off a small soap box, in the middle of a deserted island, only to ask that she may have greater and greater clarity of it all. Right Now! So Be It!)

give me 4

2008-05-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

So sometimes it's just really nice getting those great forward emails back again and again. Today i was graced w/ a mc d's story called Smile....it tells of a woman who goes to mc d's w here kids and her experience. yeah...am not going to go into it, because my shorthand wouldn't give it justice, but lets just say it gives warm fuzzies.

Also a couple of days ago my 80 year old grandma did 4 pushups. not only is that super cool, but the fact she was in the hospital like 2 weeks ago. so that's real cool.

lots of love and blessings

At ease and living life

2008-05-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

So it was pretty great. Was reading my friends blog and saw that she said click "here" and it would forward to a site to check out some info. Besides the interesting topic, it was fantastic she could just have a link somehow from the written blog. Though my excitment of being able to post a pic with my blog as passed, the idea of having a link right by clicking on a name or words seems so fantastic. Will have to get the in on how to do that one.

So anyways, beyond that. Good days! Got a most cool b-day book( you know who you are). Had my mom come up to DEN and see me on a layover, and she came all the way with me to London, where we are hanging out for a few days. The emotions are constantly on edge, but other than working on that......am eating a bit more than modertately.

Love and Blessings!!!

lovely day

2008-04-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hey There! Hi there! Ho there!

Am in UK again, still, however you want to look at it.

Oh got a cell phone with a phone plan, so will not be paying $60 any more for a month of calls.

Also found out skype is free for everyone to just get a name so i can talk to them. And i upgraded so i call call the peeps in US! can i get a what what!!! oh and even more super they can call me on a US # and it will ring to my computers skype. Still have to get a headset to talk, but that too is coming. in fact....hummm....i'll have to try my cell phone speaker thing.

am headed to germany in may. Meeting up with some friends which should be cool.

But the most exciting thing........yesterday i got a piece of mail from my pen pal. she's the brilliant, wonderful, beautiful young lady i used to nanny back in the day. the heart just expanded and melted with joy at the same time.

Beautiful days to all!

So this is a journal moment if you ever want to know.....

2008-04-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

So basically just got another " get your dukkha(shit)" together talk.

Maybe this one was differently put accross, but it felt okay to be told it again.

Because ya know what!? I want to get it together. I don't want to pay 40 or 50 or any money unessisarily. i value my money and my time. and if that means knowing and being conscious of the details always. then so be it.

Things always do work out, but if the dukkha keeeps coming, maybe you need to be the one to work it out. or at least work with universe to get em worked out.

And yes, you kind of are in a few differnt worlds all the time right now, so be in the world you are in at each moment, and......the others..... this is where it has gotten tricky for me. am in lets say 3 places constantly. UK, US, and somewhere in the ethers. the ethers is my favorite, but not much place or need for anything but what it is. now the UK there's a new account and new currency and new pay and new language and new times for business' closing and new phone and new options. Kind of like an infant, needs a lot of support and nurturing. Lets say it's almost a toddler, not talking much yet, but running and getting into everything. It needs a bit of learning, maybe the building of a foundation. and the US there's still US bills and loans and student loans, and am sure there is other US things where am still in teenager years. so lets move from US teen to UK adult? NO! tried that. didn't work for me.

It's funny when the thought came today that i really may need to get a 2nd job in UK. It was okay. and ideas of where to work started running through my head. Because if i'm going to stay here past June a suplemental income is going to have to happen. And i can still travel once a month for a 3 day short trip to paris or amsterdam or something. The fact that i can even say things like that is so amazing.

Oh and when get a 2nd job it can pay for a gym membership, because that's how i like to get exercise and can be regular come rain or shine. and getting upset about how tight the pants are getting....don't get upset, get a job and pay for a gym membership. eating less....really don't eat that much. rice and beans and tea.

really am working on getting a business going here, but there again one of those detail things. right now don't even have a good way to call US that won't cost $2 a min. am looking into skype options. So lets not just start looking into them, lets make these things happen. Lets stop having $80 spending days and wasting time.

This is your life. Put a value to it!

This must be added too, though. One of the greatest reasons i think this whole pep talk worked is because of all the nurturing and support from listening and comforting friends. Not trying to give advise or say do this or that, because mostly...don't ever really like like. And a real special thanks to my mom, your words have been more of a comfort these last weeks then anything else.

rain and sun

2008-04-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ohhh the adventures continue.

There is always a calm after the storm, though.

And only 85 pounds and 5 hours 2 tube rides and 2 train rides later realized had the address mixed up and could have been there in 40 min walk or 15 min bus ride for less than 2 pounds. But the up side did find a place with a phone battery that fit. we just don't need to give much mind that city center here in hounslow probalby had one too. It was a beautiful train ride, the 3 minutes the body was awake.

But the real amazing thing was. The sun came out. Literally. and the emotions did too. There came a moment of acceptance. It's easy to accept something when you finally see home, and it's no longer raining and windy.

So here to clearing up weather and being grateful even during the storm.

Blessings and love and balanced emotions,

Samantha

2008-04-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Full Moon!
Didn't have to work today. Yeah!! Thank You!
Lovely day with new friend Suzy, such a doll.
She lives out in the country, well sort of. She lives outside of London. When we stepped out of her car the smell of camping filled the air. Crisp air with a tint of campfire. So Nice.
Sending all friends and family full moon blessings. Hope your emotions were more balanced than mine were. But, of course, after a good meditation, the world looked quite rosey.
Blessings and Love.
Sammy Jo

Cookie?

2008-04-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

Have been going back to some old music memories.

A little Dispatch. A bit of Ben Folds. Ahhh...it's quite enjoyable.

Music does seem to effect the mood. Being lazy is okay if just listening to music. Like it's an action like doing the dishes or cooking. and well it is, just more of a passive action, like meditating. then again cooking and doing dishes, and listening to music can all be kind of meditative. or something like that.

Oh! Made cookies today! right from scratch. opened the box, turned on the oven, and added the water. Yes, quite the baker.

yeah....lets boogy!

Blessings and Love!

not much more than love, but what else could you want

2008-04-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

So am just back from turkey, and you'de think i'de have more to write about. Ohh the stories that could tell, but that would be all they are, stories, drama, emotional stuff. and that is just not of interest to share at the moment. Love life. Love love love.

learning, learning. growing and changing.

2008-04-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! so really need to start speaking that i can can can copy and paste html/url things and they will work. it can be done and i can do it! so yeah...just spent waaaaaaay too much time trying to get some avatar thing as my picture. not again! cut and paste pics on computer sooo much more simple. love computers! am learning to use computers so easily and quickly! so be it!
okay enough of that.
am headed to turkey tomorow. yes! it shall be done.

Real Nice

2008-04-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

Oh Yes! Had a lovely trip to D.C. Saw some beautiful blossoming cherry blossom trees.

Came home to some of the lovliest snow have ever seen, and this is coming from a lady who mostly just never prefers snow.

May be headed to Turkey, may head back to US.

Am definitely going to head to bed soon.

Oh!! Died my hair brownish red! Real Hot!

Lets Eat!

2008-04-03T06:05:00.001-07:00

Why is it homeade chinese food never taste the same a restaurant or take out? and in my humble opinion, doesn't quite taste as good.

Then again for the most part, have always enjoyed non homeade food. Yes love mom and sisters cooking, and dads omelets. But not so much my own. Yes it all gets eaten, but...well i guese cookies are a different tale.

Love to bake. and to eat what have baked. cookies, breads, brownies.....there been a lot of dried fruit, nuts, and oatmeal recently can you tell. But the food on the airplane is amazing. and the scones from london to america, with a bit of jelly, yum.

Well....think will be assigned a trip tomorow back to america.

we'll write about the teas later.

LOL and abundance always

Focus and Be Happy

2008-04-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

So had a wonderful last hour basically wasting time looking at the computer at nothing in particular. Am very excited for this new place, but do feel the need to be a bit more one pointed and not so monkey brained.
Hanuman is not monkey brained, he is totally devoted and one pointed toward Lord Rama

Hello Lovely World!

2008-04-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

So now all to do is figure out how to do things with this blog.

Maybe learn to post a pic or two.

Sending Lots of Love and Blessings to all My friends, family, and those to be around the world!