you're all that matters to me....take that song; shine. theme song for the day.

so the sun has been out and smileing for the last few days. don't think went outside once yesterday. and basically putting all my effort, just to get out today. why? am not finding a why. and still haven't put in transfer for las, though did say would wait till end of the month. why wait? again no answer to the why. really do try to just go to the gym to move and stuff and be there to be there, but when i wake in the morning and the belly seems more rolly and pants seem equally tight from weeks ago....sucks. that's all. sucks. i can't even seem to take of my body? don't even want to go out into public and i where a coat that covers everything. and probalby don't even look so different from this summer.

snow is melting. sun is shining. getting out of the house.

also...don't like to leave the house, because every time i do i spend money. could i just not spend money? likely. but then again i seem to only go out of the house when need to. or when going to the gym. don't even want to go to the gym when feeel like a big rolly. don't worry. intelectually know am not. but would go back to bed, but if i sleep too long wake up with a back ache or neck ache. staying up is better. but then, when am up all do is drink water, tea and munch. and really don't have anything to munch on so am eating way lot of cooked lentils rice and onions. writting that kind of made me smile. and ask, so why not just put transfer through already.

2 things. 1 idea of living with parents is no more motivating then being here in london w/ such a tight budget. come on...even with such a tight budget of food and going to the gym the body still looks the same. 2 because if transfer goes through and haven't had enough working trips to bring boxes back am going to have to pay internatanal shipping costs just to get the boxes back in the first place. now could i just leave it all. tech yes, but really the majority are books, which maybe leaving them would not be a half decent idea. let the books go already sam. let them go.