Friday, 12 March 2010

india 2 weeks and going

Someone posted a comment on my facebook yesterday. They made mention of me being a seasoned traveler, or something like that. But today i don't feel like that. I feel like i was just hit with a ton of reality check. Like...'you think you knew what was up, this this is really what is going on.' of those.

all is not strange and confusing. actually there have been so many beautiful souls come into our lives on this starting journey. it's been 2 weeks of travel and already am just regrouping. was good at first, but now am finding the whole aproach 'seasoned' but not 'ripe' more like so seasoned your now sour and bitter and should just plant a new crop.

someone made the comment that i was in travel mode, not meditation mode and that i could do well in meditation mode. and i was like...'i meditate! everyday! so get off my ego!" so yeah... meditation mode would be super nice. let the travel be a meditation not a destination to destination.

light love blessings and peace from pune, india

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

what a blessing!
what a blessing love is!
what a blessing romantic love is!
so beautiful!
just finished reading all these stories of couples who met at an airport.
it was so sweet. and though i don't want to meet my husband that way, it's so nice to see how divine forces work to bring people from 2 worlds together.
amen to amore!

Sunday, 31 January 2010

sleep is good

so wow! can i or should i maybe erase the last blog?
has that much really shifted? ummm...
well... i know there is a gift i can learn from this...patience, unconditional love, loving kindness and non injury.
it's more like my mind and emotions just keep getting so anoiyed by this persons attitude and expressive personality.
and i know she's a lovely soul. with a huge heart and tons of sweetness. so why do my judgements and missunderstandings keep coming up.
i've had major shifts in 3 close friendships in the past 3 or 4 months. i'm thinkin it's me? is it possible to regress in love and understanding?
i sure pray i'm not.
we all have our things to learn, and i am asking to understand.
breath breath breath
it's time to fast, meditate and go into my own.
it's so hard when you haven't created your own anything. own space. own time.
love and service are great. but what about own love own service. i feel so selfish, but it really really really really may be just what i need to create and do.
back to me. because when i'm my best, it reflects in my relationships to others.
Honesty. Lets starts with self honesty.
what do i want and need? why?
how can i get what i want and need?
how can i create this right now? or when should i say,"it is done?"
truth be told....i don't know why i'm even going to india! this is a big 3 month trip and i don't see the purpose! not when i know i can just be relaxing and meditating and starting to build my new life right here in america.
i'm asking for some help guidance and support for whatever direction my be best.
what if i all the sudden decide india is not for me at this time. or all i want to do is go and get pk?
this may be the sepparation of yet another close friend. there are too many constant themes here.
will sleep on it.
peace light and love

Thursday, 28 January 2010

stress release

so i know it's my own stuff coming to the surface. but that doesn't make it any easier!
am staying at my friends, who is very direct and in my opinion does not use sweet loving-kindness communication. and we have the dogs/kids right now and though i could just leave the house to avoid them. i do not feel like i need to leave the comfort of the computer and books, just because the dogs are annoying. (did i mention i stepped in a big puddle of pee earlier? Yeah! with my slippers on. which i need to where so all my socks don't get totaly gross. now i can sweet and clean the floors everyday, but the socks, somehow miraculously keep getting gross. i'm talking sticky brown to black and even after to you wash them, the remnants still remain. i guese there is something to say about wearing black socks;)
and yes...i am her guest, so what place to i have to say anything? it doesn't seem apropriate and nice. and in all honesty i'm just in a bit of a mood right now.
so i've just started to cook regularly and i have to say, one of the worst things you can do to me is not appriciate the food. rather...she says, "if had garlic it would be good." not..."yeah this is good and what could make it even better might be to add some garlic." compliment me! encourage me! justify my cooking!
our normal habit is to just go eat out 2 meals a day average $14 a meal. seriously! i created and encouraged this habit because i was only ever here for 3 days and was brought out to eat usually at least once in those three days. and then she gets upset when i keep pointed out the price! well yeahhhhhhhh! my budget is 1/20th(and although this is temporary it's still what i see at this moment) of yours and i have to be aware of this and since we are splitting the bill.... okay on her defense i was mentioning it every meal.
so now i am practicing cooking, but am realizing with the food she eats twice as much as i normally do and somehow is like half my size.
also i haven't been able to get a good workout in days. monday we went to kick boxing and i'm just glad i didn't start crying. seriously.
sorry to whomever reads this. i needed to vent. and other than the dogs continually ruffing at me, am feeling much release.
love love love

Saturday, 14 November 2009


Love to keep track of life
ha ha ha
that of course will only ever be a joke
love the moment by moment unknowns
love these sweet super cute love songs
mood music
smiles light love peace joy and wonder
always in this moment
letting it all go
picking it back up again
just to remember to let it go
ohhh the sweetness of it all
thanks for the thoughts
thanks for whatever
and so it is
so it was
so it shall ever be
one nowness always!

Saturday, 7 November 2009

i'm not looking for anything. i just want to write and this mind is just going going and going and well if i could/would just slow center.
took nice bath and shower and am ready for some good music and great sleep.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

ramblin down this road called life's been a while, but i want to write fast or type fast as the situation stands.
there is so much on my mind, but when i look to see all the things i'm doing, there really is just not much reason. i'm only doing 3 things right now. Wow! it just hit me....looking around my desk papers are all strung out. clothes are still not put away from about 4 days ago and basically there is just a whole lot of non order. The bed it make, though. and very nicely if i do say so myself.
the biggest struggle has been getting back on a regular meditation routine. sure...i'll meditate somehow everyday, but not at a regular time and, well....maybe for just 15 min if i'm going to completely honest.
it just feel good to type and process all this. writting in my journal these days almost seems like a struggle. i just can't seem to get all the words out fast enough.
am very much looking forward to moving, though as i looked around last night, realized i'm not quite set up to just move out quite yet. and that is long as i don't keep myself here much longer. moments even arise where the thought comes to just stay till after india, all honesty....hmmmmm.....maybe i'll just go to india! noooo...that is not happening, but i hadn't even thought of that as an option before.
am looking forward to the wedding and seeing the bride and holding the ring and doing whatever else i can do. just can't imagine and give her huge props for moving and wedding and everything else.
well....i can see the first task of the morning is to be organize and file all papers and clothes and then see what fun other stuff needs to go where.
i've been asking for a lot of help and guidance from my spiritual guides and angels these days. they do so much and work so hard and i'm trying not to to think that i'm missing somthing; like a clue or a tool or a point to this incarnation.
work with kids. that's all i got. and that is something. and something great at that!
so really once i get the pranic healing dvd promotional done and sent out and the wedding...i could just take off till thanksgiving. but where would i go? i don't even know where am going to stay when visiting fairfield. all always works out and that's really not an issue per se.
ohhh yeah!!!!! oh gooood! can do something today, other than just organize and clean and dress up and give out halloween candy! find all the information needed to get italian citizenship! sweet!
breath sam, breath....enjoy life.
i am enjoying life, just not this feeling of being lazy and stuff.