peace out yo!

have a bit of a fear that will not be able to really reflect the love that i am.
really don't mean for this to sound strange at all, it's just talking w/ ashley my emotional body gets all frustrated and my reaction toward his thoughts and words are not always the most supportive and understanding. it reminds me of my mom. and then when i talk to my mom on the phone all i can hear 98% of the time is here pain body. and all can think is it's my own issue. but really am just not able to keep my own presence and go to that space of love and light. today is just kind of one of those days. haven't meditated yet and it's already 7:30 at night. the sun never came up today. and it seems almost so strange that the thought of moving back to parents place is a serious thought for me. because everytime i talk to my parents the thought comes up how gratful i am that am not around that much. can already see reflection of their relationship in how i handle my own relationships. and it's not always the nicest and most compasionate. almost like, i don't agree with you so i won't say anything at all, just because i don't want to say something apposing and argumentative. this is not all the relationships, but it has become a sort of theme at times.
anyways am happy for this joyful spirit filled holiday.
light love and peace on earth

ohh nutcracker!!!

so good. have figured out how to turn off the sanskrit mode. funny how am all inspired to create websites right now. well anyways...was having an issue with ashley doing it, then realized it was a fear and control thing on my part and realized how well putting both our minds together we will be able to create something very quality. and he will still teach me how to do some design stuff.

did a bit of christmas shopping today and its 2 days till the nutcracker!!! have the outfit picked out now and everything. sooooooo excited!

ran into a hare krishna today and that was a nice conversation. she is a nun from lithuania(?) and they are on one of there biggest book drives of the year.

also woolworths is closing its' doors. the whole corporation is to no longer be after 6 days. the store is sooo picked through, but!!! totally found this way fun this book regulary 10pounds now 59p that's like less than a dollar. and it's totally the kind of book was going to check out at the library. a comprehensive guide to a healthy and more active life style. need a little focus on the moving the body thing right now.

light love blessings peace and joy

joan of arcadia show

so have continued to watch the show Joan of Arcadia on you tube. and read a couple related links to other shows the producer may be affiliated with. one i do remember watching but it went off the air, then back on again on a different night, but by that time it was not of interest to me. the show was only on for 2 seasons but there was a site created just to save the show. they talk about the show as one that represents hope and in a media of sex and violence it reflected as a beacon of light. no wonder i found it so nice and quite on the opposite end of other shows had been into lately.
funny all the interconnectedness of life.
this shows helps keep that in my attention as well as attention on the Divine.
life is amazing!
Thank You Lord!
peace light love and blessings

ohhh and just another note. so the website set up to "save" joan of arcadia from being completely canceled, is now up for sale.

yeah....no pics these days

अहम् ब्रम्हास्मी

okay....
so have been into this show Joan of Arcadia for like a week. and it only had two seasons, and because of the way sam likes to do things....watched like so many episodes on you tube yesterday, then today was like...there was only 2 seasons....lets just go to the end. and now have watched the end am like...that wasn't an end.
you know those movies you watch and at the end your kind of like "what?! are you kidding?" so that's kind of what i got out of this show. probably hit a little too close to home for home to me anyway. you see the whole time joan is doing all these things God asks her to do and there always some great connective thing to some seemingly odd task. the whole time she keeps asking why. and why me. and what's the point. and there always a bunch of references explainations with physics. fun stuff. but at the end...there was no end. which is the thing. the life thing. the keeps going and going and this whole idea of time and everything actually being right here and right now with all possiblities, yet for some reason or not reason we are just not "tapping" into this. but if it all just is. there is actually nothing to tap into because we are already tapping, at every point and in every gap. all is. and all is not just in the gap. because all is, once broken down, so to speak, the gap. ever infinite...omni everything. omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient(sp).
so it goes back to the whole even when it's done, which it's never done...and how can something be done if there is no real time, just this space we create that alows a begining and end.
soooooo...enjoy it

ॐ मणि पद्म हम

so set it to basic html because otherwise somehow set it up to translate into hindi. which was great for that moment, but now can't seem to take it off. am cooking mung beans and the body slept for about 12 hr. the only reason woke up was has to go to bathroom.
almost think with this whole body needing so much sleep just to rebalance would be more motivated to get other projects off the ground. it's okay. am not going to be hard on self. will still meditate and get things done today. will go to bed early and be up early and do whole routine early.
wow...just realized haven't even showered yet.

india was so amazing and maybe because was ready for it, has so much more clarity. soo nice. now it's about putting things into action.
just drank some hot choc, was really good temp, but now the after taste is just not great. am looking forward for the lentils to get done. rice and veg are ready.

did clean and get things organized a bit this morning. woke up and good feel the clutter. a true reflection of my mind this morning. was glad could focus enough to just do it.