Tuesday, 23 December 2008
really don't mean for this to sound strange at all, it's just talking w/ ashley my emotional body gets all frustrated and my reaction toward his thoughts and words are not always the most supportive and understanding. it reminds me of my mom. and then when i talk to my mom on the phone all i can hear 98% of the time is here pain body. and all can think is it's my own issue. but really am just not able to keep my own presence and go to that space of love and light. today is just kind of one of those days. haven't meditated yet and it's already 7:30 at night. the sun never came up today. and it seems almost so strange that the thought of moving back to parents place is a serious thought for me. because everytime i talk to my parents the thought comes up how gratful i am that am not around that much. can already see reflection of their relationship in how i handle my own relationships. and it's not always the nicest and most compasionate. almost like, i don't agree with you so i won't say anything at all, just because i don't want to say something apposing and argumentative. this is not all the relationships, but it has become a sort of theme at times.
anyways am happy for this joyful spirit filled holiday.
light love and peace on earth
Monday, 22 December 2008
so good. have figured out how to turn off the sanskrit mode. funny how am all inspired to create websites right now. well anyways...was having an issue with ashley doing it, then realized it was a fear and control thing on my part and realized how well putting both our minds together we will be able to create something very quality. and he will still teach me how to do some design stuff.
did a bit of christmas shopping today and its 2 days till the nutcracker!!! have the outfit picked out now and everything. sooooooo excited!
ran into a hare krishna today and that was a nice conversation. she is a nun from lithuania(?) and they are on one of there biggest book drives of the year.
also woolworths is closing its' doors. the whole corporation is to no longer be after 6 days. the store is sooo picked through, but!!! totally found this way fun this book regulary 10pounds now 59p that's like less than a dollar. and it's totally the kind of book was going to check out at the library. a comprehensive guide to a healthy and more active life style. need a little focus on the moving the body thing right now.
light love blessings peace and joy
Sunday, 21 December 2008
funny all the interconnectedness of life.
this shows helps keep that in my attention as well as attention on the Divine.
life is amazing!
Thank You Lord!
peace light love and blessings
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
so have been into this show Joan of Arcadia for like a week. and it only had two seasons, and because of the way sam likes to do things....watched like so many episodes on you tube yesterday, then today was like...there was only 2 seasons....lets just go to the end. and now have watched the end am like...that wasn't an end.
you know those movies you watch and at the end your kind of like "what?! are you kidding?" so that's kind of what i got out of this show. probably hit a little too close to home for home to me anyway. you see the whole time joan is doing all these things God asks her to do and there always some great connective thing to some seemingly odd task. the whole time she keeps asking why. and why me. and what's the point. and there always a bunch of references explainations with physics. fun stuff. but at the end...there was no end. which is the thing. the life thing. the keeps going and going and this whole idea of time and everything actually being right here and right now with all possiblities, yet for some reason or not reason we are just not "tapping" into this. but if it all just is. there is actually nothing to tap into because we are already tapping, at every point and in every gap. all is. and all is not just in the gap. because all is, once broken down, so to speak, the gap. ever infinite...omni everything. omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient(sp).
so it goes back to the whole even when it's done, which it's never done...and how can something be done if there is no real time, just this space we create that alows a begining and end.
Thursday, 11 December 2008
almost think with this whole body needing so much sleep just to rebalance would be more motivated to get other projects off the ground. it's okay. am not going to be hard on self. will still meditate and get things done today. will go to bed early and be up early and do whole routine early.
wow...just realized haven't even showered yet.
india was so amazing and maybe because was ready for it, has so much more clarity. soo nice. now it's about putting things into action.
just drank some hot choc, was really good temp, but now the after taste is just not great. am looking forward for the lentils to get done. rice and veg are ready.
did clean and get things organized a bit this morning. woke up and good feel the clutter. a true reflection of my mind this morning. was glad could focus enough to just do it.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
oh!!!!!!!so was watching a little joyce meyer on the tele earlier today, and that lady rocks!
anyways... she said something that totally hit home for me. she was talking about prayin' and stuff like that and said something along the lines of, "some people have "no life in it, because they made it a law"". so what does that mean to this chicka.... i meditate meditate meditate meditate everyday.not expecting any experience or anything, but still sometimes do it just for the "law" or routine of it. not taking a moment before starting to really be present and recognize what am doing. and yes...of course on the subtle levels all sorts of "life", amazing jazz, is probably happening. but the thought came that i'm probably doing it because it's "the law". this made up, created thing that just isn't the point. it's the tool used. the "life" IS. It Is This,That,Everything. i just use the tool because it great.
she also went onto the difference between receiving and getting and how we get the two confused. then she went to the definition of both, which found interesting.
receive: transitive verb1: to come into possession of 2 a: to act as a receptacle or container for b: to assimilate through the mind or senses3 a: to permit to enter : admit b: welcome , greet c: to react to in a specified manner4: to accept as authoritative, true, or accurate : believe5 a: to support the weight or pressure of : bear b: to take (a mark or impression) from the weight of something c: acquire , experience d: to suffer the hurt or injury
get:which can be used as a verb or a noun. transitive verb1 a: to gain possession of b: to receive as a return : earn2 a: to obtain by concession or entreaty b: to become affected by : catch 3 a: to seek out and obtain b: to obtain and bring where wanted or needed 4: beget5 a: to cause to come or go b: to cause to move c: to cause to be in a certain position or condition d: to make ready : prepare 6 a: to be subjected to b: to receive by way of punishment c: to suffer a specified injury to 7 a: to achieve as a result of military activity b: to obtain or receive by way of benefit or advantage 8 a: seize b: overcome c: to have an emotional effect d: irritate e: puzzle f: to take vengeance on ; specifically : kill g: hit9: to prevail on : cause 10 a: have —used in the present perfect tense form with present meaning b: to have as an obligation or necessity —used in the present perfect tense form with present meaning 11 a: to find out by calculation b: memorize c: hear d: understand12: to establish communication with13: to put out in baseball14: deliver 6b
so obviously there's a lot of defining things to these words, which again are just words, which am not going to get into right now. and honestly sometimes people who study the bible put too much emphasis on words which in their original translation or definition may have been different. but it caught my attention and thought to investigate more. now what did joyce have to say about it? don't know the program ended, but these talks these days are about relationships; with God, Partner, self, and world.
light love and blessings
Friday, 7 November 2008
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Ohhh!!! just found this pic and was totally there. it's in illinois, about 4hr or so drive from fairfield, ia.
So just kind of realized, don't really ever mention other men to my guy friends. and more so, never have. it's always been one of those things. in fact my girlfriends are lucky to here anything of interest about men interests in my life. that way i keep all men at a neutral. yeah right. what was that even supposed to mean.
am still planning on learning french. too bad my italian france man doesn't seem to be working out and my french london man still has a girlfriend.
ohh but just got done talking and emailing two of my favorite guy friends and now realize...realize absolutley nothing.
am headed to dc tomorow. won't it be ironic if my absontee balot finaly arived today. ironic may not be the choice word, but am sticking with it.
email the one friend about india, more stuff came together, and just how amazing the short trip to italy was. ohhh italy....dear beautiful italy! did find out, though, that most restaurants and food places put lard or some pig byproduct in all your food, and your lucky if you find a place that doesn't. i'm talking the pizza dough, breads, but not so much the pasta.
so that's sam's quick note.
sending lots and lots of love and blessings to the universe. Go Obama!!!
Sunday, 2 November 2008
hope life is going amazing!!! so funny am writing this like the start of an email.
don't know if i wrote anything about italy....met a lovely italian man who lives in paris. reconected with him via email. but no here back. so am letting that one go. again and again and again. ohhh...but he is ohhh so very lovely and sooooooo "my" type. mmmmm
well life keeps rockin and rollin and life is oh so very very beautiful these days. it even snowed on divali(spelling). oh that night fireworks, the nice illegal ones, for over 6 hours non stop. these folks know how to party party.
Monday, 20 October 2008
Sunday, 19 October 2008
had a jyotish reading while in india. it was quite fun actually. he was quite, what i would call, traditional in his thinking. he told me to drink my water and milk out of a pure silver cup and throw an empty pot with a lid into a river, he also gave recomendations for pujas for the different planets. and though it may be thought, he tells that to everyone, it's not so true. the lady ahead of me was told to feed the monkeys and my traveling friend was told to feed the cows and elephants.
now where am i going with this? no where in particular, it was just on the mind. love love love
am to be headed to work in about 2 hours and have taken a shower, but haven't even started to pack or get ready to meditate. it's been about 2 or 3 days now since got home and started to feel more "normalized", or something. i remember back in college when the students came back from india, some of them made comments that they only wanted to hang out with people who had been on the trip and they were having to adjust to being back. and though i think there may have been a bit of that for me when coming back from new zealand, the feeling is so much stronger now. and the difference is, there is no one to talk to who i went with.
but ode to non violent communication! am so excited about learning in this new way!
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Ahhh....just got back last night. and it was so funny waking up this morning. first of all woke up to a really interesting dinosaur dream. there were planes and hills and people. but when we went back in time...the soil was soooo rich with nutrients. they took on so many incredible colors and all the soil was so moist and fresh. i just kept playing and hugging it. it felt so alive!
so didn't really care to get on "routine" this morning. meditated once, sometimes twice a day on this trip, but no routine. but it wasn't wanted or needed there. not so much that it is "needed" here. it's just...well honestly...it is what it is.
was going to say don't know where to start, but have already started. first thing wanted to do this morning was read my friends blog. had forgotten all addresses except for india contact address. so no postcards were sent and computer contact was at a minimum. learned a lot of how am going to roll next time am in india. upon reading friends blog, just incase she reads this...suzy orman(that's not her last name), but suzy the financial planning lady. her website has all sorts of specific information on what to look at to ensure your bank is secure and your investments in things like money market accounts are secure. also on that note, had only heard from here-say about the market falling hard two times in one week. funny they are still saying gold would be a good investment, well actually i heard this about 3 months ago and just lightly mentioned 2 weeks ago. the US news was able to read in paper was a bit about the election and the more directly india related airline and tourism struggle. they didn't seem too concerned that our economy was falling and how it was to connect with them. well...actually that is not completely fair to state. there was a man on the train was quite aware of the connection between US economy and India economy. though communication at times was a struggle, the conversation was interesting.
now...yeah! went to india! started out south in kerala and ended in haridwar. there were stops inbetween that were absolutely amazing, but am going to have to look at my notes to remember where they all were. upon reflection in the airport, decided next trip in india will put more attention on pressence and being right in the moment, and also to love all like the Divine they are.
did meet up with friend for the journey. she has been down there for a month and a half already. so it was great for me being able to follow her experienced lead, but after a couple days she was like "hey! give me some input! i don't want to be making all the decisions!" and that was the start of the amazing growth in not only our relationship, but the relationship i have with other people and things. realized i was "jen" in the "ashley sam travel relationship", and was reintroduced to nvc(non violent communication) i say reintroduced because my other friend right before left had talked about it. and now...all the more not only want to read the book, but take a course on it. was pretty excited hearing about it from friend in cali, and then solidified when was in the moment needing to express and communicate.
so now am back and making plans for life. but that's not new. getting the india perspective was amazing and still being assimilated.
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
no pic for this one.
it's been a while.
am in india.
have been for almost 2 weeks.
life is telling me to get going.
lots of blessings and making room for new fresh cleanness.
many many stories
am working on sorting things out.
breath breath breath
this too shall pass
will share more when home
leave tomorow the 17th back to london.
all works out well and as it should
there is so so so much for me to learn and understand
love all always
Friday, 19 September 2008
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Monday, 15 September 2008
Thursday, 21 August 2008
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
Saturday, 14 June 2008
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
Monday, 2 June 2008
Friday, 30 May 2008
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Wednesday, 30 April 2008
Thursday, 24 April 2008
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Happy Full Moon!
Didn't have to work today. Yeah!! Thank You!
Lovely day with new friend Suzy, such a doll.
She lives out in the country, well sort of. She lives outside of London. When we stepped out of her car the smell of camping filled the air. Crisp air with a tint of campfire. So Nice.
Sending all friends and family full moon blessings. Hope your emotions were more balanced than mine were. But, of course, after a good meditation, the world looked quite rosey.
Blessings and Love.
Saturday, 19 April 2008
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Monday, 7 April 2008
okay enough of that.
am headed to turkey tomorow. yes! it shall be done.
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Thursday, 3 April 2008
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
Hanuman is not monkey brained, he is totally devoted and one pointed toward Lord Rama