Saturday, 31 January 2009

a glacier always looks smaller and more magnificently beautiful from the airplane

so am getting closer to not feeling paranoid about missing a call. woke up at 345am and decided it best to not go right back to bed, for what if they tried to call and the phones didn't work again.

the whole someone did pickup. some european man, with loud music and a dog in the background, and supposely he banged super hard on my door. sounds like a bad dream to me. talked to the crew lady who made the phone call and she was more just glad that i was okay. she said when that happened she was concerned for me. so we are almost at a closer for the situation, though i did wake up deciding to change servers. human error in calling is one thing, but have multiple wrong person pick up....not okay.

so aside from strangeness and yesterdays freek out, it's still way early, but all is well. it always was, just don't try telling me that when in freek out mode. had family with danny's fam last night and celebrated his sisters bday. it was really really nice. so glad had an attitude checkup by then.

well light love and blessings peace and joy and abundance

dnf= did not fly

maybe i should look at this DVF in a growth sort of way. or maybe a vedanta sort of way. DNF's in my flight attendant world are basically the worst thing you can get as a flight attendant. and this morning i got one. they gave me the san fran trip, which i knew was going to get. they called at 3:30, but the phone never rang. they try to call a couple times, but still the phone never rang. so samantha woke up at 8:30 thinking they really should be giving me the trip by now, but.... DNF! so instead of composing my emotions, i cried and cried and cried and fought it out to get it oked, but due to the other 2#'s dialed,(which i knew wouldn't work, but they never needed to in the past, because my UK cell phone always rings). well as a growth thing, am now going to go talk to the people who i have service with and see about them writting something for work. how silly... a note for work. i heard myself running up the stairs yelling(in a whisper) "it's not my fault!" even at the moment of saying it, i could fill how much power i gave another over my situation. so i take that comment back. of course there is always something i could have done different, and for a next time experience(so there won't be a next time) am topping up on the emergency UK phone#, talking to the cell phone provider, and maybe getting a skype # that will ring to my phone. Don't if could get the 3rd one to work. but also...maybe i'll be at the top of the list next days available, so the next time will get a really good trip and will be ready for it. and on a bright side, since did freak out and call work right when it happened, already got to talk with my supervisor.

then there's the vedanta approach, it is not good or bad. it's just what happened in that moment. and now, this is what is happening in this moment. do not be attached to this illusionary thought. you get to go to san fran, you get a DNF it's all the same. one without a second.

though i'd like to take on the vedanta approach, there's still the thought to take care that it won't happen again. karma really isn't an issue w/ vedanta philosophy. so if i wasn't going that route, would have to say, this was just some karma i needed to work out. but even writting such a phrase seems so fake.

anyways...bodys still just calming down. am going to go for a walk, and make this an amazing beautiful day! because growth process or vedanta, life is what it is and plays as it plays.

Friday, 30 January 2009


so just first website page together. and for those who know what a time it was just to get this blog going, the idea of a whole website may seem like a ,"really?" kind of thought. it's true, though, of course with the help of a friend who has put together about a dozen websites. this person prides themselves on their keen idea and simple and clean websites. this person also got a bit confused about me not noticing they had lost 45 pounds. this second point is added because when he finally asked me if i had noticed all the loss of body weight, had to honestly say, "ummm.... really didn't."and then decided to recongnize have never really noticed how other websites look like. am trying to be more attentive now, but it's more am mostly at the point, can tell if i like it or not. am working on the details. the what parts and aspects like and don't. the balance of each page, the ease in getting from page to page. the colors and pics used. it's all quite an interesting new adventure.

blessings and smiles

writting it out......

it is what it is, but ohhh my goodness!

really? can't imagine am the one person who gets this over and over. but today is especially rough. went to bed with headache, woke up with head pounding 8 hours of sleep later. and body still soooo super tired. fatigue tired, not just the eyes don't want to wake up(which they don't), but the mind and bodies are just soooo out of it. vitamins, herbs, water, coffee, tea, food, going back to rest the body, meditating, exercising, getting fresh air....done it all. not at the same time. then last night, said to self....just go to sleep all natural. no meletonin, no herbs or vitamins.

totally believe in the bodies natural ability to heal itself and natural consciousness of balance for the physiology. and yes also, obviously, believe in helping and supporting that natural tendancy, but when one way doesn't work and things need to happen and just aren't, one trys something else.

this may not make complete sence, just needed to get something done. write something. something that doesn't need to make sence. just write it out.

what would happen if i wrote just the opposite. about my super energized balanced healthy clear mind bodys. could it be created just with the words? so much energy. so much clarity. so much balance and peace. am feeling better and more and more clear at every moment. the light is shining in and my bodys are responding with greater and greater amounts of energy. so bright! so shiney! sooo lovely!

yeah... if we are writting anyways, and whatever it is. it is what it is. lets write of the brightness the light and the joy. lets write out the balance and the peace and the sweetness.

or something like that.

blessings and peace always.

so be it.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

pizza and service

Eating good pizza in london. this really is quite a concept. the pizza over here just isn't the same as america. not even the frozen stuff. but this is dominos, so it is 'american' pizza . housemate left some for me today. really nice. the reason i don't buy pizza or really any other food out is because it's about 20 pounds for a large. 17 for med and small's, which would be the american equivalent to a personal size pizza are average 8 pounds, multipy by 1.5 and that's the amount in dollars. not much motivation to eat pizza over here, needless to say. plus, it is kind of fun having pizza as a treat when i go back to US now.

so have been feeling really grateful to all the people who have set a foundation for themselves and their lifes work. how to explain....well for example, i get this astrology report once a week from this lady in london. so it's not like or some other international random 'you will come upon a great surprize this week' kind of reading. you can tell she has a general reading probably per 12 major rising signs. she's been doing it for a while so the emails are quite nice, fancyish, and personal. also...the groccer up the street, don't know how long they've had their shop, but their spices and teas inventory is great; well organized and competively priced. and as far as can see, they are not going anywhere. also, but strangley the original thought was brought about by the feeding program we started in sarasota. went to visit the other day and almost all the original helpers were there. this one lady even came up to me and made the comment about how cool it is that this was started 3 yr's ago and it's still going. she said something like, you left, but it still goes on every week( and they are starting a feeding on sat starting next week! yeah!) though my foundation was stable, there were enough others who already had a foundation in sarasota and were not going anywhere, so they just decided to turn the feeding into part of their sunday life routine. ohhhh sooo grateful. some of the 'homeys', as my friend likes to call them, thought i was a new face. had to smile, because that day, i was.

the big thing, or maybe not so big thing, about seeing the feeding program is that there was a bit of a fear that if got something going it may not last. the business in jax didn't sustain, but the feeding program did. maybe it has more to do with the heart of people then their strong foundation in something or somewhere. but having both people with good will and the willingness, and ability to do good are key things. either way, that created fear is gone. after what is FEAR but false evidence appearing real. heard that one a long time ago and still use it to this day.

light love blessings peace and joy

Sunday, 18 January 2009

sunny days

am quite excited!!! got my scedule for feb...and am pretty sure got basically my #2 pick. love being based in london and having some seniority for bidding. don't know how it will be in vegas. even talked to my sister today about moving back. the conversation went well and totally lightened my attitude on a couple points i was having issues with. it will be good to continue develope our relationship. man...that sounds so offical like. she's my sister and friend.

anyways...about my schedule....basically already have mid too end feb planned, but have off basically/probably from the 9th(or sooner) of the month to the end of feb, plus maybe couple days in march off. no flying means lot less money, but also means travel and seeing friends and taking care of business!!

like this job, but love idea of going some place sunny.

Friday, 16 January 2009

yeah...that's right!

so totally had the great reality check today," who cares what other people think of your plans. do em. they are your thing. and your doing for your reason. let people think what they will."

the thing is, have been a bit iffy about moving back to US. specifically back to parents pad. this is for multiple reasons, but one was the whole "their thoughts about samantha's plans". ideas of getting pychic attacts and people being like "ohhh that samantha just doing her samantha thing again."

That's Right! is what i have to say to that! who cares what thoughts you might project at me. this is the life i have chosen to live and am excited about it! say you support me or not, what i am doing i feel excited and dare i say it "passionate" about! Just watch me not give into your "another one of samantha's things" thought forms! Watch this be done and be supported by the Universe! That's right! that's right!

Samantha is moving back to US. and is moving into a living arangement that works for her, with her routine. and she'll feed the hungry and go back take computer classes and grant writting classes and work with children. yeah!

Thursday, 15 January 2009

child development and stuff

so realized today that call myself sammy d. was looking in the mirror today and was saying something about myself and called myself sammy d. and realized that's what i call myself. strange, but anyways...
the real topic on mind is children.
and i've come to realize i really haven't given much thought to discipining my children. like, what do i do if they write all over the walls? how can i prevent things like that from happening? children are children and all sorts of unexpected things are going to happen. and then what about when they become teenagers. some may make the argument that "you were a teenager not too long ago yourself". yes, but i wasn't what would maybe be deeemed the average teenager. i meditated, played sports, and watched tv, and went to the movies on the weekend. no party's, never wanted to. no boyfriends, never had a big interest or the selfesteem.
maybe i'll just raise my kids to listen and play with bright music, it totally helped form my thoughts on good character.
so yeah...have been looking at these child development books, non yet what am looking for, but some basically just go into how to raise your child, not speaking so much of a childs natural cycle of growth. they seem to be all about how we form a child to the way we think they should be formed. am still looking for a book that simple tells of the natural cycle of childhood development and us working with that to further develope. because to me, children are so naturally in tune w/ themselves(speaking/thinking from looking at the very young).
ohh how much this chicka has to learn.
am excited about this learning process.
light love and blessings