Sunday, 31 January 2010

sleep is good

so wow! can i or should i maybe erase the last blog?
has that much really shifted? ummm...
well... i know there is a gift i can learn from this...patience, unconditional love, loving kindness and non injury.
it's more like my mind and emotions just keep getting so anoiyed by this persons attitude and expressive personality.
and i know she's a lovely soul. with a huge heart and tons of sweetness. so why do my judgements and missunderstandings keep coming up.
i've had major shifts in 3 close friendships in the past 3 or 4 months. i'm thinkin it's me? is it possible to regress in love and understanding?
i sure pray i'm not.
we all have our things to learn, and i am asking to understand.
breath breath breath
it's time to fast, meditate and go into my own.
it's so hard when you haven't created your own anything. own space. own time.
love and service are great. but what about own love own service. i feel so selfish, but it really really really really may be just what i need to create and do.
back to me. because when i'm my best, it reflects in my relationships to others.
Honesty. Lets starts with self honesty.
what do i want and need? why?
how can i get what i want and need?
how can i create this right now? or when should i say,"it is done?"
truth be told....i don't know why i'm even going to india! this is a big 3 month trip and i don't see the purpose! not when i know i can just be relaxing and meditating and starting to build my new life right here in america.
i'm asking for some help guidance and support for whatever direction my be best.
what if i all the sudden decide india is not for me at this time. or all i want to do is go and get pk?
this may be the sepparation of yet another close friend. there are too many constant themes here.
will sleep on it.
peace light and love

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